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Open Poetry #40
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MindBodySoul
Member
since 2007-01-10
Posts 196
NJ

0 posted 2007-04-10 05:45 PM


You referred to me as
"a dirty little secret"
Whose insecurities...
were reflected in what I wrote to you
You reassured yourself...
of how secure you were
Always a sign of insecurity..

But did you never stop to think
that the insecurity you spoke of
was a reflection of you...
That you were only on borrowed time!

Did you ever stop to think,
that my message was an act of fury..
because all you ever showed
was a lack of respect...
intentionally done, tohurt me

Did you ever stop to think
that exposing your affair...
for the world to see
could have been an act of insecurity,
cause you were only on borrowed time

Your words did not hurt me
they liberated me...
setting me free of doubt
I was right all along...
I laughed
but not at you..
after all, you were told
what you wanted to hear
but at your words...
your pain was visible..
but so was mine
you couldn't hide it...
and nor could I



Jen--->MindBodySoul

[This message has been edited by MindBodySoul (04-11-2007 09:11 AM).]

© Copyright 2007 Jeannette Urrego - All Rights Reserved
Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
1 posted 2007-04-10 06:10 PM


Hi Jeanette,
I don't know if English is your first language or if the errors are deliberate but I wish to point out that if you meant secret (something hidden) it's spelt without the 'e'
but if you meant secrete, something that is leaked through the skin the context is incorrect. Also you've written who's, which means who is perhaps it should be whose (belonging to who)

However despite this I think your writing has potential and strong emotion.
Cheers
Kethry


a good commitee can decimate communication.

MindBodySoul
Member
since 2007-01-10
Posts 196
NJ
2 posted 2007-04-11 09:17 AM


Thank you for your input, yes English would be my second language and no the errors were not intentional.  It did not help that I wrote this at work (got inspired in the middle of the day) I usually tripple check my stuff...

All in all, i greatly appreciate your critic.  It will only make me better


Jen--->MindBodySoul

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