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SilentShadow
Junior Member

since 2006-04-20

Posts 32
Fl. U.S.A.

0 posted 2007-04-07 03:00 PM

I know it's wrong,
But it feels so right,
Lying here beside you,
Making love to you tonight,

She.....she doesn't love me,
Not the way I need love,
But you, you are an angel,
Sent to save me,
From heaven up above

Huan Yi
Member Ascendant

since 2004-10-12

Posts 6688
Waukegan

1 posted 2007-04-07 03:40 PM

.

Dan,

"Not the way I need love,"

There's a problem with this line
which suggests for example
that while "she" does love you
she won't submit to the things
you want her to . . .

Think about it

John

.

Startime55
Member Elite

since 2003-04-05

Posts 2148
Alberta, Canada

2 posted 2007-04-07 03:49 PM

Interesting poem that comes from the heart...

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

3 posted 2007-04-09 08:06 AM

Simply stated ~ but you express your feelings very well!

~ As you love, may you also be loved.

Loving Light,
EA

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

4 posted 2007-04-10 11:06 PM

plaintive cry here

well done SilentShadow

outlawthunder
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 67

5 posted 2007-04-10 11:33 PM

the uncertainty, the energy to drive one to find that one person who won't love me like that although you know you deserve her that way, you just can't find it in you to let go and say it: i found you.

pain and fear. hard times. experiences disappointments, loss of love that seemed so real and close yet walked so far away...

your work is a study in contrast in the wanting of that which is real love vrs. the mindset of rejection knowing it just won't happen that way. it's safer to fail, at least you can count on that.

OUTLAWTHUNDER

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

6 posted 2007-04-14 06:04 PM

Huh...James

SilentShadow
Junior Member

since 2006-04-20

Posts 32
Fl. U.S.A.

7 posted 2007-05-04 09:30 PM

Thank you all for the read, my work has been pretty spuratic here lately, I can only pen the blood when it flows~Dan

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