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Open Poetry #40
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jak
Member
since 2007-03-14
Posts 85
Charlotte, NC

0 posted 2007-03-28 11:44 AM


Painted hips creep over blue jean rips, her bravado a touch undercover
Subtle sips of such stoic lips, no one knows, but we are already lovers

Jak
Argonaut - My Poetry Blog

© Copyright 2007 Jason Keath - All Rights Reserved
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
1 posted 2007-03-28 12:13 PM


Mmm Mmmm...now this is different for you jak.
And I like it..a lot!
Which one of you was giving the lewd glances?
I think I would have broken the lines up here
and let them trail down the page,
but that's just me.
And I am stubborn too.
Love the feeling this one evokes.
Most certainly softly sensual.
So much can be said in few words.
Much enjoyed.
Nancy~

For it was not into my ear you whispered
But into my heart..
It was not my lips you kissed
But my soul.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
2 posted 2007-03-28 12:21 PM


wow!
Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
3 posted 2007-03-28 11:13 PM


ok, stubborn jak
It's a short fun write, but I'm with Nancy on this; it would look better split into 4 lines.

TinaTrivett
Senior Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 569

4 posted 2007-03-29 10:57 AM


I have absolutely loved everything I've read of yours. This one is very sensual & smooth. Nice.
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