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Open Poetry #40
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aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!

0 posted 2007-06-02 06:44 PM


Water Woman


She carried buckets from the spring
Raindrops licked at dark tangled hair
Mind dreamed of beauty morning brings

Magpies squawked as they tried to sing
Perched upon budding branches bare
She carried buckets from the spring

Violets bloomed in a fairy ring
Fragrance wafted in early air
Mind dreamed of beauty morning brings

Old growth shadowed, ever aging
Nature’s bounty a gift to share
She carried buckets from the spring

Searching eyes looked at everything
Bark became clothes for trees to wear
Mind dreamed of beauty morning brings

Arced towards the sun swallows took wing
New day captured yesterday’s cares
She carried buckets from the spring
Mind dreamed of beauty morning brings



Alison


[This message has been edited by aziza (06-03-2007 10:04 PM).]

© Copyright 2007 Alison - All Rights Reserved
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
1 posted 2007-06-02 08:51 PM


what a fine work!

Alison, you did so well on this...lots better than I have the patience to do

love it!

gmcooper
Junior Member
since 2007-05-30
Posts 47

2 posted 2007-06-02 09:48 PM


This is a form I haven't done in a long time. Very nice, you did good!
Drauntz
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
3 posted 2007-06-02 10:16 PM


it is beautiful and an interesting style.

enjoyed

aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
4 posted 2007-06-02 10:55 PM


Thank you all.  It's a style I am hoping to get better at with practice and time.  I hope PiP bares with me as I post my efforts from time to time.

A

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !
5 posted 2007-06-03 11:18 PM


VERY interesting 'write'!

Applause!!

I especially loved:

"She carried buckets from the spring
Raindrops licked at dark tangled hair
Mind dreamed of beauty morning brings"

and:

"Magpies squawked as they tried to sing"

as well as:

"New day captured yesterday’s cares"

[great lines and images!!]

one small question: what is "Arced" (line 16)?

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
6 posted 2007-06-03 11:28 PM


A fine effort, Allison. I'm sure you will pick up even more fluidity and ease the more you write them.....it's not an easy form to do well. Even the attempt is worthy of applause.

I have no doubt Toerag would be happy to bare with you.....the rest of us will simply bear with you

aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
7 posted 2007-06-03 11:32 PM


Well, good question after I looked it up .. I meant it as a verb and think it was an improper use of the word after I got out my huge old dictionary.

Googled it -- arced

adjective

Deviating from a straight line: arched, arciform, bent, bowed, curved, curvilinear, rounded. See straight/bent

Which shows the word as an adjective .. to use it as verb is to form an electrical arc.

So, guess I'll go edit the poem.  Thank you for subtly (tactfully) bringing this to my attention.

I am so glad that you read my poetry.

Alison

aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
8 posted 2007-06-03 11:34 PM


:: Cracks up ::

Okay, okay, I am a flasher!

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown
9 posted 2007-06-04 12:19 PM


This is an interesting form. I wrote one a few years back.
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