I Didn’t Shower With Other Guys (I Had A Note From My Doctor)

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Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

0 posted 2007-03-03 07:04 PM

I Didn’t Shower With Other Guys (I Had A Note From My Doctor)
By: Noah Eaton
3/13/06

Crystal clear is the haunting memory,
I was in third grade, four foot, nine inches tall,
we used to have P.E every morning before lunch,
and I lost my appetite from each pounding of medicine ball.
Coach Custer enforced mandatory showers,
I begged, “Please, Coach Custer, please don’t make me go!”,
But no matter how much I flinched and clinched,
I couldn’t penetrate the status quo.

I didn’t shower with the other guys
(I had a note from my doctor)
I didn’t shower with the other guys
(I got a note from my doctor)

They use showerheads formerly used on circus elephants,
bought off the former Yugoslavian black market,
the Stockholm Superstreams blow everyone against the wall,
and you only hold your ground as luck would have it.
Girls complained about ruining their hair in there,
Tabitha Thompson was a conflict mediator with a Sailor Moon odango,
the jet split her hair like a peach,
and ever since she’s went off like a piping crow.

I didn’t shower with the other guys
(I had a note from my doctor)
I didn’t shower with the other guys
(I got a note from my doctor)

I remember Nate Hofrichter of the Model U.N Club,
he was the foreign diplomat for Senegal,
well, one day I caught him relieving himself,
all across the shower stall wall,
since that fateful day I can’t trust anyone,
there’s no place for multilateral diplomacy,
no Lysol or trip to Kokopelli’s Green Market,
will ever cleanse generations of toxicity.

I didn’t shower with the other guys
(I had a note from my doctor)
I didn’t shower with the other guys
(I got a note from my doctor)

Coach Custer told us to bring our gym suits home,
once a week to be washed and dried,
I’d run a cycle every 90 minutes,
and iron it every morning as if it were under the knife,
I always kept my exercise to a minimum,
cause I hate being soused in my own sweat,
if only they made suitcases out of Tupperware,
you’d bet that I’d be set.

I didn’t shower with the other guys
(I had a note from my doctor)
I didn’t shower with the other guys
(I got a note from my doctor)

I’ve never seen my feet once in my life,
and I do not intend to start now,
I’ll apply industrial glue to my boots if I have to,
to Mother Nature my feet shall not kowtow.
Just the thought of standing naked with my peers,
makes me feel beyond claustrophobic,
the tickling of armpit hair against my shoulder,
and body odor beyond all comprehension.

I didn’t shower with the other guys
(I had a note from my doctor)
I didn’t shower with the other guys
(I got a note from my doctor)

So I said, “This just can’t be school policy,
this is torture to the first degree!”
This isn’t a blanket excuse, this is about my rights,
life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is what I decree.
So I picked up a note from my doctor,
and framed it squarely into Coach Custer’s hand,
announcing my emancipation from floor tiles,
public showers, shared soaps and expanding sweat glands.

I didn’t shower with the other guys
(I had a note from my doctor)
I didn’t shower with the other guys
(I got a note from my doctor)
.
.
.
(Ohhhhhhh,
who’s gonna polish that lightbulb,
on the shower room ceiling...
.
.
.
...it’s haunting me...)
.
.
.
.
.

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other"

Mother Teresa

unholyjudgement
Member

since 2007-02-27

Posts 116
Wherever my soul takes me next

1 posted 2007-03-03 08:54 PM

funny I enjoyed showering with swaety guys.
being gay it was a dream come true.lol
luv the read tho...remindes me of another age.

JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

2 posted 2007-03-03 10:24 PM

See there! Democracy in action! There truly is something for everyone in this write (song?).

As for me, well, let's just say that I was never able to get a note from MY doctor. And, although very shy, oddly enough I volunteered to shower with the girls. Hmm. It must have been hormones...

John

I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than lord among those without dreams and desires. -Khalil Gibran

Janette

Member Elite

since 2001-07-20

Posts 2843
Chicagoland for now

3 posted 2007-03-04 08:39 AM

"They use showerheads formerly used on circus elephants, ...
announcing my emancipation from floor tiles,"

Oh! I do remember those nasty "shower" days in school. Everyone hated them! And YOU have captured it all here in a most amusing way.

Hilarious tale!!

Enjoyed the memory and relieved that I shall not be forced to endure them again.

Good one!

always seeking joy, adventure and romance and wishing you find the same

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