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Open Poetry #40
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icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows

0 posted 2007-03-02 12:02 PM


.

If I draw you a door
to eternity’s ch’i,    
will you paint me
a fair horizon?

If the path leads on
to oblivion’s lee,
will our journey bring us
to reason?

Cast the gate open
and let in the hordes,
the tickets are useless
today,
are they not?

Castigate openly
across the boards,
or the candidates‘
puddings will clot.

Why,
did I love you?
I seem to have forgotten
the values
of pleasure and sin.

Draw me a door
while I’m holding the key
so it opens
onto oblivion.

©2007 by icebox

.

© Copyright 2007 icebox - All Rights Reserved
steavenr
Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058

1 posted 2007-03-02 01:05 PM


oooh, I really liked this one...my favorite line wa
"I seem to have forgotten
the values
of pleasure and sin."

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

2 posted 2007-03-02 01:14 PM


Ohhh I love this one, spiced with just the right blend of rhyme. Nicely done!  
Janette
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-07-20
Posts 2843
Chicagoland for now
3 posted 2007-03-02 01:34 PM


This piece is breath taking ... oh the punishments of remembering.
Indeed, most remarkable!

always seeking joy, adventure and romance and wishing you find the same

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
4 posted 2007-03-02 04:40 PM



"If I draw you a door
to eternity’s ch’i,    
will you paint me
a fair horizon?"

I was going to say, yes...but thinking about it I realized you have to be your own artist.     

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115
South Africa
5 posted 2007-03-03 05:51 AM


A pleasure to read you again, icebox.

"will our journey bring us
to reason?"

I have no doubt that it will eventually.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
6 posted 2007-03-03 09:29 AM


"Draw me a door
while I’m holding the key
so it opens
onto oblivion."

I have had this exact thought before.
A most excellent write Sir.

~ Time has cast a spell on you,
  So you won't ever forget me ~

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
7 posted 2007-03-03 10:04 AM


outstanding!
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

8 posted 2007-03-03 10:50 AM


This--argggh--yer a devil.

This reads so deceptively simple and leaves me in brain frat riddles. (Izzit just ME?)

frowning

This whole time concept really musses with m'logical side. (I do have one--it just happens to be the part of the Rubick's cube I can't figger out.)

Expect e mails. Yer a tease.

aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
9 posted 2007-03-03 05:02 PM


Very good.
Thank you for sharing.
A

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
10 posted 2007-03-03 05:36 PM


Good to read your wisdom, Mr. C.  I especially liked the play on words in this one.  ...jo
The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
11 posted 2007-03-03 07:43 PM




not just Karen
I got a mess of riddles too
these lines are the only lines
that don't bring me questions...

"Cast the gate open
and let in the hordes,
the tickets are useless
today,
are they not?"

yes, they are useless today


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