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Open Poetry #40
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Burgundy
New Member
since 2007-02-20
Posts 3


0 posted 2007-02-20 08:34 PM


Hi, Im new here.  Im still fairly new to the poetry world, so Id like to build my skills as much as I can.  Heres my favorite work so far, any input you can give is appreciated.

Road Trip

The engine’s burning
The gas tank is yearning
But nothing can stop my beast of steel
So I hold fast to the wheel

Putting it all behind me
That city missing jubilee
My ears to my headset
Next stop is the sunset

Forgetting my pain and sorrow
Not caring what comes tomorrow
It doesn’t matter now
All the sadness, my wheels won’t allow

With my foot pressed down firm
I’m past the limit, the gauge confirms
Free in the cool air
Devoid of the city blare

And so the beast takes control
The only time I can feel whole
When my world is full of ripping wind
Euphoric in my favorite sin

No one’s there to hear my voice
But this was by my own choice
No more drama, no more strife
No one left to run my life

It’s just me and the Horizon

So let’s Ride

© Copyright 2007 Merlin A. Fabian - All Rights Reserved
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
1 posted 2007-02-20 09:39 PM


I like it! Makes me wanna go for a road trip!

Welcome to Passions!

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
2 posted 2007-02-20 09:58 PM


Welcome to Passions.
Great rhythmn to your write.  Really captured the feeling of the ride.
Enjoyed.

Rod
Member
since 1999-12-08
Posts 149
Auckland New Zealand
3 posted 2007-02-20 10:05 PM


Hello Burgundy.
Good poem.
Great ending!!!
Write on!!

The greatest thing you can do for another is not just to share your own riches...but to reveal to him his own.

ivordavies
Senior Member
since 2007-01-10
Posts 739
Chester, England
4 posted 2007-02-20 10:31 PM


Burgundy,

I liked the power and flow of this, but I would take the 'but' out of the first stanza as it softens the meaning needlessly and breaks the flow of the ride!

Welcome to PIP...

Have Fun,

Ivor


Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia
5 posted 2007-02-20 10:42 PM


Burgundy... welcome to our blue pages - good entrance - welcome!  RDB

Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight.........

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
6 posted 2007-02-20 11:05 PM



Pushing the envelope...is a dangerous fascination...and a testing of our abilities,
and our limits.  Be safe...

and check your Email for a Very Special Greeting!


Angel4aKing
Senior Member
since 2006-09-27
Posts 1372
USA
7 posted 2007-02-21 11:42 AM


LET'S RIDE!!!!NOW THAT I HEAR!!!

~~~kingsangel~~~

Burgundy
New Member
since 2007-02-20
Posts 3

8 posted 2007-02-21 04:00 PM


Wow, thanks for the feedback and welcome.  Im looking forward to spending time here and building my poetry with you guys.
aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
9 posted 2007-02-21 10:08 PM


Burgundy

Thank you for taking me
on this ride with you.

I really liked your poem
-- and agree -- get rid of the but

I enjoyed reading this
out loud to myself
and came back to it several times.

Welcome - I look forward to reading more.

aziza

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