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Open Poetry #40
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Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan

0 posted 2007-01-28 09:44 AM


.


because . . . perhaps
being unable
to stand the light

she seeks to come
in the last dead nothing hour
before the rooster crows

slipping
silently now
into a darkened bed
for the love she never knew or had

hip to spectral hip
caressing with phantom tongue

for after all. . .in the end . . .

what did straitlaced mortal morality
finally ever gain her
beyond the eternal yearning
for a little sin


.

© Copyright 2007 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved
ivordavies
Senior Member
since 2007-01-10
Posts 739
Chester, England
1 posted 2007-01-28 12:02 PM


Huan Yi

This is extremely powerful poetry taking us into the mind of the entity who practices this foul deed.

I have had experience in trying to remove such tormentors from places and people they invade and too date have never felt sympathy for anyone but the victim.

You may have given me a different approach in this and help me to stretch my understanding  into the same realms as within my other rescue work.

Again, to me a mere rhyming poet, I have found poetry of the deepest kind within your  words,

Namaste

Ivor

Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan
2 posted 2007-01-28 03:33 PM


.

Ivor,

Thank you,

I checked the archives and didn’t find this so I decided
to post it as it is among those that my mind goes back to more
often than most which makes it a candidate for submission
for view on the site of the Illinois State Poetry Society
to which I belong, (they took me which means they’ll
take anyone, their membership is national, and they’re
pretty active up here with mailings, meetings and readings none
of which I attend; for 15 bucks you can’t go wrong) .  I wanted
to see how others responded to it before the March 19th
window, (I’ve already submitted “It” for the current one),
before I pursued the thought further.

As to the subject, I should confess I,
as a matter of principle, don’t personally have
much faith in such things being more than tricks
of the mind; I would be glad, however made afraid,
to be convinced there was something which would
then open up all sorts of more agreeable possibilities.  

Thanks again

John

.

Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
3 posted 2007-01-29 11:49 PM


Sometimes a poem goes beyond.

I know that's a lame way to say it, but it's the best description I have. Beyond. Beyond imagery into dimension, dimensions moving beyond their sum toward a culmination that is inevitable, but impossible before the poem was written.

Looking back at this, I see I didn't really capture it....so it's back to openers for me -- "beyond" will have to do.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
4 posted 2007-03-05 03:49 PM


slipping
silently now
into a darkened bed
for the love she never knew or had

Of all the possibilities I thought of when I saw this title, I never expected to experience sympathy. *S* Excellent write! *S*

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

5 posted 2007-03-06 11:40 AM


this was richly textured, into an alarminginly blue tasteing elixir, with a black hooded crime...so sad, so extremely sad, yet, profound writing sir
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