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Passions in Poetry

The Blue Rose

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Joyce Johnson
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Member Patricius
since 03-10-2001
Posts 10059
Washington State


0 posted 06-22-2010 08:30 PM       View Profile for Joyce Johnson   Email Joyce Johnson   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Joyce Johnson


My true love asked me for my hand,
Before I answer I demand
He first must bring a bright blue rose.
"I'll search the world for one of those",
Was his reply and off he went.
For many weary months he spent
In searching for elusive blue.
I turned away each offered hue.
Heartlessly, I bade him go
To every flower and garden show,
To find the rose for which I pine,
That I might claim rare rose as mine.
His spirits sagged each time I said
"I do not want a pink or red.
I'll only settle for a blue
If I'm to give my hand to you".
He answered, "Love, I've done my best.
The impossibility of the quest
Has weakened me unto my death.
I've sought your rose with my last breath".
With thse last words my true love died.
For many days and nights I've cried.
Where it has come from no one knows,
But on his grave grows a blue rose.

By Joyce Johnson 6/14/10
© Copyright 2010 Joyce I Johnson - All Rights Reserved
Trillium
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Member Patricius
since 03-09-2001
Posts 12129
Idaho, USA


1 posted 06-22-2010 11:37 PM       View Profile for Trillium   Email Trillium   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Trillium

Dear Joyce;

Hauntingly beautiful! Well done!

Love
Betty Lou

Betty Lou Hebert

easy1
Senior Member
since 05-22-2010
Posts 1209
Southeastern USA


2 posted 06-25-2010 01:35 AM       View Profile for easy1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for easy1

It is a somewhat haunting piece. Very nicely handled ending! And so sad, like Thurber's Scarlet Ibis...
Idaho Pen
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since 08-20-2012
Posts 16
Idaho US


3 posted 08-23-2012 10:14 AM       View Profile for Idaho Pen   Email Idaho Pen   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Idaho Pen

As always Joyce, well done, sometimes we don't get what we want till it is too late.
r v wooo
Senior Member
since 08-07-2007
Posts 656


4 posted 08-23-2012 10:29 AM       View Profile for r v wooo   Email r v wooo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for r v wooo

Beautiful poem...lovely story...I love story poems!
Margherita
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since 02-08-2003
Posts 21103
Eternity


5 posted 08-23-2012 03:26 PM       View Profile for Margherita   Email Margherita   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Margherita

How well you told this sad story, dear Joyce. It is really haunting.

Margherita
Denise
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since 08-22-99
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6 posted 09-01-2012 09:57 AM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Well done Joyce! I enjoyed this very, very much!

I would only change 3 lines, since you welcome constructive criticism:

1. Heartlessly, I bade him go

This line is a syllable short compared to the other lines.

How about this?

a. So heartlessly, I bade him go

or

b. Most heartlessly I bade him go

or

c. Quite heartlessly I bade him go

Any of these gives you the extra syllable needed.


2. The impossibility of the quest

This line has too many syllables compared with the other lines and throws off the rhythm. It does for me, anyway.

Here are a couple of suggestions to fix that:

a. The grueling nature of this (or the) quest

or

b. The difficulty of this (or the) quest

And the closing line:

3. But on his grave grows a blue rose.

The rhythm seems off here. How about this?

a. But on his grave a blue rose grows.

or

b. Upon his grave a blue rose grows.

These eliminate the stress from falling unnaturally on the 'a'.

Victoria
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Member Ascendant
since 08-12-2000
Posts 6020


7 posted 12-12-2012 10:25 AM       View Profile for Victoria   Email Victoria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Victoria

I really loved your words Joyce, heartfelt. A beautiful poem.

~Victoria~

Life is a great big canvas-Throw all the paint on it you can.
  -- Danny Kaye

byski
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since 01-26-2006
Posts 227
Alberta, Canada


8 posted 03-07-2013 12:42 AM       View Profile for byski   Email byski   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit byski's Home Page   View IP for byski

Awesome story within the poem. I liked how there was so much to learn, so much written between the lines.
 
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