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Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams

0 posted 2006-10-08 04:37 PM


Sedona

Desert paradise full of lies
It rained hard the day I came
The flowers became an orchestra
Full of color and ecstasy

When the clouds started to break up
I saw the truth pierce through my soul

I had never felt so naked
As when my skin became consumed


-Juju

-<>-~-<>-~-<>-  
*    Juju     *
-<>-~-<>-~-<>-

[This message has been edited by Juju (10-08-2006 09:03 PM).]

© Copyright 2006 Juju - All Rights Reserved
skoolyardturtle
Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 96

1 posted 2006-10-09 01:15 AM


mmm...nice and ominous, the way i like it.  A short, strong write.  I can't help but think you wanted to say more, though.  When i read it, I wanted to feel more of your shame...more of your anguish(hope I'm not sounding too creepy), but maybe that wasn't what you were aiming for.  But seriously, good stuff here.
JesusChristPose
Senior Member
since 2005-06-21
Posts 777
Pittsburgh, Pa
2 posted 2006-10-09 02:54 PM


~ Now, that is what I am talking about. No doubt, you have it in you, and it was always there to begin with, Juju.
Enjoyed!


"Melvin, the best thing you got going for you is your willingness to humiliate yourself."

Joyce Johnson
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912
Washington State
3 posted 2006-10-09 11:56 PM


Is this a connundrum? It is very mysterious. Joyce
Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams
4 posted 2006-10-10 12:15 PM


Well, I guess it could be a conundrum.  It wasn't meant to be. It is Just like all my poems, where I tell a story.  There is a story here.  I might have over done the metaphores...
but I made my decision on the poem, so I think, I might keep it the way it is.

-Juju

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silient all these Years, Tori Amos

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