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Passions in Poetry

Now I can see

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freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


0 posted 12-18-2008 12:39 AM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy


Iíve been blind for so long
I forgot how the light shines
Youíve been there all along
By my side this whole time

You never once turned away
Saw my problems, and my pain
But you always knew that one day
My life would change

I didnít want to see
What I had become
Lost myself, wasnít me
Let it all come undone

I didnít want to know
How fake I could be
I thought I was alone
Lost at sea

But now I know
That I can be free
You are the one
That I always need

Iíve been lost for so long
Forgot how love really feels
Youíve been there all along
Waiting to reveal

That you are true love
Just waiting for me
For my eyes to open up
And look upon the light

Now I can see
© Copyright 2008 Christine Juarez - All Rights Reserved
SEA
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Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


1 posted 12-18-2008 01:01 AM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

"I didnít want to see
What I had become
Lost myself, wasnít me
Let it all come undone"

been there.


good write
Falling rain
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Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


2 posted 12-18-2008 12:02 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

"Iíve been lost for so long
Forgot how love really feels
Youíve been there all along
Waiting to reveal"

Love that stanza!
Your writing keeps getting better each time i read! Great work!

-Zach

So together but so broken inside

freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


3 posted 12-18-2008 07:53 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Thanks!!!

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

Marc-Andre
Senior Member
since 12-07-2008
Posts 500


4 posted 12-18-2008 09:30 PM       View Profile for Marc-Andre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marc-Andre

Freeand2sexy, I enjoy reading your poems. I believe you've got great poetic potential, and I look forward to reading more. Have you thought about giving the other forms (e.g. sonnets, ballads) a try?

Also, with a little work, you could tighten the meter, find solid rhymes and enhance your poem greatly. For example:

In the fourth line of the first stanza, a solid rhyme can be achieved by changing "this whole time" to "at all times;"

In the fourth stanza:
"And now I know
I can be free"

I'll let you work the rest, if it pleases you. Should you need help, it is available.

I look forward to reading your next post  


Mark
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


5 posted 12-18-2008 09:34 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

I might give it a try

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


6 posted 12-18-2008 09:46 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Thanks for your help, wow, this will really help my poetry, wow!

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

Marc-Andre
Senior Member
since 12-07-2008
Posts 500


7 posted 12-18-2008 10:11 PM       View Profile for Marc-Andre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marc-Andre

Freeand2sexy, with open arms you are welcome to come have fun with us in Critical Analysis and Poetry Workshop. They sure help me to write better verse Mark
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