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Passions in Poetry

new poem need some critic PLEASE READ

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Rand0m_guy54321
New Member
since 12-08-2008
[First Post] 7
U.S.


0 posted 12-08-2008 10:26 PM       View Profile for Rand0m_guy54321   Email Rand0m_guy54321   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Rand0m_guy54321


Up in Smoke
By Landon Bauer
Ohh no
Not him why
The fire is out of control
Oh no there goes all the baby photos
Why does he have to have such bad luck

All her photos
His entire work
His entire life all up in smoke

Ohh no
Now its in his room
I can see the windows crack
I can hear his cries of desperation
I try to comfort him
All of his stuff
His brand new tv
His girlfriends photos
His brand new gun
All up in smoke


The fireman just stand by
Because of the chiefs foolish pride
they say they are out of water
ohh now they are dehydrated
the attic catches fire again
now they have to start over
why does this have to happen to him
now all thatís left are charred remains
of a life that was good
all the memories and photos are lost
all of them gone up in smoke
© Copyright 2008 Landon Bauer - All Rights Reserved
hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 06-18-2006
Posts 2539
Canada


1 posted 12-09-2008 12:35 AM       View Profile for hunnie_girl   Email hunnie_girl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hunnie_girl

wow Landon that was a very strong poem.. and Im sorry you had to go through such a big loss..
good luck with everything and Welcome to Passions
Krysti
Rand0m_guy54321
New Member
since 12-08-2008
Posts 7
U.S.


2 posted 12-09-2008 06:59 PM       View Profile for Rand0m_guy54321   Email Rand0m_guy54321   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Rand0m_guy54321

Thanks i wrote this because just last week my friends house burned down and they lost everything but now hes in a new home renting it while they rebuild
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


3 posted 12-09-2008 08:40 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Really nice poem, I've been in that situation also, I think it was about 4 years ago, so i can relate to what your friend is going through

I love pancakes!!!

KandyGrl511
Member
since 11-30-2008
Posts 52
Michigan


4 posted 12-23-2008 08:39 PM       View Profile for KandyGrl511   Email KandyGrl511   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for KandyGrl511

wow that was nice
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