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Passions in Poetry

Deadly Music-silenced voices

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rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 06-09-2006
Posts 1304
California


0 posted 12-02-2008 10:06 AM       View Profile for rhia_5779   Email rhia_5779   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for rhia_5779


The song of suicide steals too many hearts
Bleeding and broken from the impact of constant non verbal abuse
How did we let the cycle of intolerance start?
Inward cringing, letting freedom of speech be the shield and excuse
Bitter sweet September showcases the losses of the past year
The ones who couldn't take it any more and silently made their escape
Returning students might regret their actions with pain in the air
Not meeting each other's eyes- remembering those too broken to be saved
Children who climbed trees together are divided by blind hatred
Acceptance is lost in the wake of deadly phone calls spreading judgements
tears fall direct result of the addiction to gossip that is  easily widespread
Afraid of school each day because they have been labeled as different

Expected to suppress a part of who they are because they don't love the same
April 17-  a day to break the fearful silence- a day to unite and take a stand
Sacrificing a voice to show support for the ones who live the nightmare each day
Defending a dream so it doesn't just become wave washed words written in sand
How are we so easily forgiving of a society not helping wounds to mend?
Teens feel so out of place, lost and out of hope that they take their own life
Trying to make a difference means fighting with words for every single step
Why doesn't anyone else care that someone who isn't straight is doomed to hide?

Hair covers up the pain shadowing the eyelashes of those pushed away
No one knows where to cast the blame when people sing suicide's song
Time to divorce society if this is how it's rules want us to play
Condemming those who don't have choice- we're the ones who are wrong

© Copyright 2008 rhia_5779 - All Rights Reserved
rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 06-09-2006
Posts 1304
California


1 posted 12-06-2008 01:24 PM       View Profile for rhia_5779   Email rhia_5779   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rhia_5779

I'd really love to hear peoples peoples oppinions on this
stargal
Senior Member
since 03-06-2006
Posts 1350
OR USA


2 posted 12-12-2008 05:45 PM       View Profile for stargal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stargal

Hi Rhia,

I liked the message you were trying to get across but I think it was a little muddled. The poem had some interesting thoughts; good thoughts. The two dates you refrenced I wasn't sure what you were talking about. I've been living under a rock so that could explain it. You have so much going on that it's hard to see what to focus on. I think I understand specificly what you are talking about and then another line throws me off. You have always shown real potential as a writer; you have interesting ideas. I think paring the poem down some would help. The sort of less is more concept. I enjoyed reading your thoughts and hope to read some more soon.

Stargal
rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 06-09-2006
Posts 1304
California


3 posted 12-13-2008 12:12 PM       View Profile for rhia_5779   Email rhia_5779   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rhia_5779

A major isssue is that the paragraphs are all together. I wish I could break them  up but it won't let me edit.My computer won't show if I make any changes to my work on this site unless I sign off and wait a couple hours which is really obnoxious.  I think it would be easier to read and understand if it was divided better.
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