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Teen Poetry #8
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This sinking feeling never dies
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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This sinking feeling never dies |
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Ri Member
since 2008-02-01
Posts 67Blackburn, England |
Not posted on here for a while, but here I am. This is influenced by "Sharks in your mouth", a song by I killed the Prom Queen. --------------------------------------------------- I’ll chase the sunset’s soft radiant glow Until it leads me to the ocean bed. I’ll walk along the shores until waves grow And fossilise my bones leaving me dead Oh, how this sinking feeling never dies My heart an anchor, I’m chained to your eyes Plummeting under the strain of your name Whispered in the winds, leading me insane Sharks circulate me, feeding on my fear Smelling the blood that I endlessly spill Tasting the end that is drawing near They callously laugh and move in for the kill Oh, how this sinking feeling never dies My heart an anchor, I’m chained to your eyes Plummeting under the strain of your name Whispered in the winds, leading me insane Your silence has driven me overboard And I find myself caught in a barren hell Praying until my faith has been restored Praying that this sail will not be farewell Oh, how this sinking feeling never dies My heart an anchor, I’m chained to your eyes Plummeting under the strain of your name Whispered in the winds, leading me insane So where can I find that fine guiding light Of your eyes, leading away from rocky death Can I harbour my ship with you tonight Or must I face Neptune’s ocean sprayed breathe? |
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| © Copyright 2008 Rian Mercer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
Why am I the first comment? This is really good. I loved the imagery and vivid this poem was. You do a really good job with that. I feel like it could be more powerful though- maybe read it out loud and think of if you can substitute words or say a couple words in one- maybe just tighten it a bit. Its really good and it has a lot of potential! |
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AcousticPen Junior Member
since 2008-12-01
Posts 13Florida USA |
Wow this was really great, I am a huge fan of four line stanza poems and the form you use in general. I have to agree completely with the previous commenter that your vivid imagery is top notch. I cant wait to read some of your other works! -Scott Vukelic |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
woah....! Rian this is such a strong poem, that seemed really thought out. I enjoyd thoroughly. Krysti |
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