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Shots Across The Brow

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young_blood
Senior Member
since 09-19-2003
Posts 1118
Indianapolis, IN


0 posted 11-06-2008 06:38 PM       View Profile for young_blood   Email young_blood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for young_blood

Shots Across The Brow

Forget formalities and consequences of vice
for just a moment
pretend this is right,
your eyes are in the distance while
your body is in my grasp
i wonder
where you are but am afraid to ask.
Let's pretend this one time that
cheats
are laudable agents
and that all the other girls this evening
will remain patient.
Are we practicing choreography as much
as we hope
or are these the awkward stammers of kids
that should elope?
Let's keep this all quiet even though I want to
scream,
maybe a gasp will let you know what I mean.
This all feels so eerily familiar inside my head
although last night it wasn't you in my bed.
© Copyright 2008 Alex Lewis - All Rights Reserved
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
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Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


1 posted 11-06-2008 06:41 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

whoa.

this rocks
young_blood
Senior Member
since 09-19-2003
Posts 1118
Indianapolis, IN


2 posted 11-06-2008 06:47 PM       View Profile for young_blood   Email young_blood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for young_blood

Thank you for reading it and the encouragement.
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


3 posted 11-06-2008 06:59 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

WOW! This was great! I read it over and over cuz it was so good, I couldn't stop reading it!!!

"Life is too confusing, but I like it that way!"

rebel~angel
Member
since 06-20-2006
Posts 71
Iowa USA


4 posted 11-07-2008 12:16 AM       View Profile for rebel~angel   Email rebel~angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rebel~angel

This is amazing...I love it!  ...Although (and maybe its just because I'm dead tired) it seems to rhyme in spots...and not in others...and if it does, I'm sure its the way you want it, it just threw me off a little bit.  But as I said...I'm dead tired, so that might just be me.

Remember:Tuck your chin, you're going to get hurt, so expect it and be ready. You might as well see it coming.
-Elizabeth Haydon, Requiem for the Sun

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 07-08-2006
Posts 832
Australia


5 posted 11-07-2008 01:21 AM       View Profile for RevengeIsMine   Email RevengeIsMine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RevengeIsMine

WOW WOW WOW.. U so made me want u then.. like pull me in the bedroom slam the door want lolz..awesome graphical pictues in my head right now.. OF this girl n guy leaning agaisnt the corner of a building in a darkened room vowing his love her.. WOW... loved IT!!

young_blood
Senior Member
since 09-19-2003
Posts 1118
Indianapolis, IN


6 posted 11-07-2008 07:29 AM       View Profile for young_blood   Email young_blood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for young_blood

thank you all so much for reading it. Rebelangel~ I kinda messed up my line breaks so it appears that it doesn't rhyme in some spots but if you read it out loud, you'll see that it does all rhyme. I was trying to emphasize certain words visually, but I think it messed up the flow.
Revenge~ haha, I had no idea this poem would have that effect! Glad it did though
hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 06-18-2006
Posts 2539
Canada


7 posted 11-10-2008 05:41 PM       View Profile for hunnie_girl   Email hunnie_girl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hunnie_girl

I loved this Alex. its gotta be one of my favs from you.. the flow was incredible
Krysti
Earl Robertson
Senior Member
since 01-21-2008
Posts 753
BC, Canada


8 posted 11-10-2008 05:47 PM       View Profile for Earl Robertson   Email Earl Robertson   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Earl Robertson

Ummm
WOW
library

My melancholy is purely my own

young_blood
Senior Member
since 09-19-2003
Posts 1118
Indianapolis, IN


9 posted 11-10-2008 07:46 PM       View Profile for young_blood   Email young_blood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for young_blood

thank you both. I'm really glad when people appreciate my stuff. This one was obviously quite different from how I usually write.
tearsoflove13762
Member
since 09-05-2004
Posts 490
Texas.. and yes i have an acce


10 posted 12-06-2008 04:11 AM       View Profile for tearsoflove13762   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for tearsoflove13762

wow Alex! this is very different than what I remember anything of yours sounding like and i like that you took it in a different direction.
The last line threw me! I did not expect that at all! great write!



aol sn- sweetcountry007

 
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