Peaceful We Lie On Universe Sleeping

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Teen Poetry #8

Peaceful We Lie On Universe Sleeping

Octave
Member

since 2008-07-29

Posts 186
Highlands, Scotland.

0 posted 2008-10-12 06:06 AM

Not too sure about this one. Hmm.

Peaceful We Lie On Universe Sleeping

We lie side by side
Faces upturned to
Gentle sky above just
Lying beside you

No word is muttered
No silence does stray
As we rest side by side
Our sweet heads do lay

The world moves around
Us in dizzied haze
Just lying in time
Not counting the days

Fingers entangled
Knotted in pain
Your breath whispers
Sweet keeping me sane

Time spins a yarn
Ties us, binds us
As we lie side by side
Hearts joined in trust

Just you and just me
Sleeping, just sleeping
On top of the universe
Not laughing nor weeping

No one does stop
As no one can see
You lying still, just
Lying with me

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2008-10-12 01:55 PM

it's like a song

I enjoyed this very much!

Taylor See
Member

since 2008-10-07

Posts 55
North Carolina, US

2 posted 2008-10-13 03:07 PM

I agree, it does sound like a song. Very nice job. The flow is good and the images are strong.

A couple lines seem sort of clipped or shortened, but overall a great poem!

Taylor

And as each player moves their piece, confident and tall
They forget that they can move themselves, in the greatest game of all

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

3 posted 2008-10-13 07:10 PM

Awesome!!! Great job!!!

"Life is too confusing, but I like it that way!"

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