Broken, Bruised, Battered, Bleeding (NEW STYLE)

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RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

0 posted 2008-09-13 06:14 AM

Well hello, hello my gorgeous friends.
So a while ago Miss Jess decided to go take some night time writing classes. And this semester we're doing poetry. YAY i say.. but my teacher thinks not.. Aparently all my old stuff lacks insight and he doesn't like it because it rhymes so for the rest of the semester I HAVE BEEN BANNED from rhyming. Apart from all the critique he says i'm a good writer. Pfft I Say. Anyhow... Everything we write has to be inspired by the words written on a piece of paper we draw from a hat. This then become part of our title. The words up top were what i was given however after my life experiences i decided to become a story teller. Anyhow i hate NON-RHYMING POETRY and i hate this but you guys need to tell me what u think before i hand it in!...
Cheers,
Love Jess.. xx

___________________________________________________

Broken, Bruised, Battered, Bleeding...

Broken shards of glass
Lie scattered on the floor
Another fight with him it seems

Tears are flowing through her veins
Yet she doesn’t cry
She’s too brave for that

Bruises on her chest
Afflictions on her arms
God, what has she done?

Bodies surrounding her
Are you okay
She screams out, but nobody listens

She see’s things
They haunt her
Those things from the past

Barely fifteen
He’s forty-six
She’s his daughter

He broke her down
Sat on her body
Rocked backwards and forwards

Fractured her trust
Stole her virginity
Portrayed her

There he stands
Beside her bed
She’s been admitted again

She’s not insane
Maybe confused
Who would blame her

She speaks up
But they hold her back
She’ll always be nothing

Running for miles
But its all in her head
She’ll never get out

A white cell
Padded walls
He broke her bad this time

shattered-smiles
Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 247
inside the shadows

1 posted 2008-09-13 09:24 AM

This is really good, I like it a lot. Definately hand it into your teacher, it's awesome.

TJ

So cut me into pieces and tape me into something beautiful...

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

2 posted 2008-09-13 11:15 AM

screw your teacher, she/he doesnt know what she/he is talking about. your poetry is the stuff that keeps me writing. its amazing and deep and talented and....well im gonna stop here before i write a novel.

but this was still good the poem was amazing just as every other piece of yours is. i think it has less insight, but a little more depth.

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

3 posted 2008-09-13 12:55 PM

Your poems are insightful and wonderful even if you don't rhyme... Besides.. i think your teacher doesn't know what he's talking about.. hahaha

"Only in darkness can we see the stars.
And only there is it darkest before the dawn."

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

4 posted 2008-09-13 11:25 PM

Aww thanks guys.

Lol ClockworkOrange. Youknow how much i hate non-rhyming poetry.. n i would drop out but i;ve worked so hard so i won't.. i guess i'll learn free verse or whatever its called lolz..

Thankyou tori.. Love u so much.. Huggles..

Zach, thanks hun... i think my teachers a little loopy too lolz..

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

5 posted 2008-09-14 02:40 PM

this is an amazing poem. great job. and i really like your rhyming stuff too. my teacher also told us once we weren't aloud to rhym, and it kinda sucked. but this was great!!! library.

~*Julianna*~

"You don't know me...but I know you. That's all that matters right now... Mr.Rainey!" - Secret Window

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

6 posted 2008-09-14 09:47 PM

I think it's wonderfuly writen. A fantastic free verse (yes that's what it's called).
Great job Jess.

{~~*~~}

"You are not loyal enough to eat my orange jelly beans....#}
{~Emily~}

I am the arch angel
Member

since 2008-02-02

Posts 167
nowhere,illinois,USA

7 posted 2008-09-14 10:44 PM

haha........me too... i can't do non rhyming if my life depended on it....but i like it

and tell your teacher i said.....non rhyming poems can go write themselves....they're to hard to write!

If its at its worst don't stop believing, because I'm right here and I'm not leaving

Abbeon
Member

since 2006-11-30

Posts 228
Curiousity, and wonder

8 posted 2008-09-15 12:47 PM

Another amazang poem for these talanted writers, where you have been baned from Rymeing poems i was baned from non ryming. But i have to say that your teacher is wacked, that had every thing good poetry needs and more.

Becca

The hollow emptiness, the crazed thoughts left to survive

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