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Teen Poetry #8
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HELP I NEED A GREAT TITLE
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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HELP I NEED A GREAT TITLE |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
EXCUSE ME CAN SOMEONE TELL ME IF THIS POME SI GOOD AND IF IT MAKES SENSE AT THE END IM NTO SURE WHAT TO NAME IT BUT TELL ME A GOOD TITLE NAME THANKS Are you the one who I should believe Are you the one who’s telling me stuff that are make believe Are you the one who’s telling me the truth Are you the one who’s bending the truth Are you the one who’s telling me the lies Are you the one who’s throwing away our friendship ties Because I have been believing you all this year And one lie will cause my eye to flow a tear I don’t know what’s the truth I don’t know whose bending the truth I don’t know who to believe I don’t know who’s telling me stuff that are make believe But I have always believed you because you always told me the truth but Now I don’t know where this is taking me Now all I want to do is be free Free from these lies Which is ruining the friendship ties Free from this darkness that im in Which is causing my mind to spin Free from being curious Which is causing me to go furious If the problem is me Then why don’t you tell me If its me that you hate then tell me If its me that you never want to see then tell me I will go somewhere else and flee If you have so much hatred inside of you for me then just throw it out there at me Just shout at me I don’t care what you do to me I don’t care how much you will hurt me I don’t care how many bad stuff you say about me But it will make me sad that a friend is talking about me But I still won’t care because I will always respect you and always will have that love for you And there’s nothing you can do You cant rip this heart You cant tear it apart No matter what you do to me my heart will always love you No matter how much you hurt me my heart will always love you My heart is only strong just for you And it just only longs for you Just tell me what I can do when this love for you is so strong When you’re the only one who I long for And if its you who is playing with my emotions And causing all the commotions Then I still wont care but I will sort fo be sad deep inside And start to weep inside But no matter what happens to you I will always have your back But its so sad that you’re the one who caused my life to be in black And remember one thing I will always care for you And if you will ever need me I will always be there for you But I have so many questions to ask you that are in my mind I have so many things to tell you that are in my mind So many things that are unanswered All I want is all the things to be answered I want to know who to believe I want to know whos telling me stuff that are make believe I want to know whats the truth I want to know who is bending the truth I want to know what are the lies I want to know who is breaking our freindship ties Could it be you who told me stuff that were make believe all the time Could it be you who was bending the truth all this time But it seems like I have no choice but to believe you since you’re my friend But hopefully the truth will come out one day and I will be able to understand BY MEEEEE  |
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| © Copyright 2008 madiha - All Rights Reserved | |||
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
well, before i give u a suggestion for a title let me just say that i know exacally how you feel. If you can't believe your friends then maybe you dont' even need them to tell you if they have a problem with you. If you can't believe them or trust them that pretty much says it all. People are weird and unpredictalble, personally...i don't like them lol, even though (of course) I am one. well a person...not a people, lol. 'cause that's almost bad gammar..ANYWAY! yeah, i say if u can't trust them then well...whatever i think u get my point. And now since i've went on blabbing...i forget what else i was gonna say. But my suggestion for a title would be to ask RevengeIsMine, she's really good at that kind of thing. lol {~~*~~} {&}Love*liesOfBeauty~[NowColdInMyHand] |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
first of all im referring this to a guy who is my freind and also i was saying that i do believe him but im not sure what is the truth anymore i know that he never lied to me or probably he has i dont know thats the thing im confused about so how was this poem lol u didnt say it if u liked it or not |
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
I liked the way u repeated that one part, it was like a choras to a song or something. U made it intresting enough that even though it's really long, it still makes u want to read till the end {~~*~~} {&}Love*liesOfBeauty~[NowColdInMyHand] |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
awwwwww thanks thats so sweet |
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RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia |
Hi, Just lingering around the place and reading poems as i normally do and em pops up saying i'm pretty much the title queen lol.. So i guess i better not let her down... Firstly, i like the poem, however i think your point is so strong through out the whole thing that it almost drags on but thats simply my opinion.. now to the good bits.. i love the feeling and passion behind each line and i love how you've finely selected exactly the right word for the right piece. I also believe that you have some great talent lurking behind the page.. Secondly i think thats where we sit in life. We're so torn between the truth and the lies, whats wrong and whats right that somewhere underneath it all we get lost in an insane darkness that makes us doubt the good in our lives. The same darkness that makes us only see the bad in people without seeing the good. It doesn't take a chauvinist to sometimes get caught up in lies that spiral out of control its like an addict taking pills, you tell yourself time and time again that your not an addict that same how you actually start believing your not, when deep down you know you are. It's the same thing with lies. I guess the hard part is finding the truth in it all, the balance between being there and fading away but the worst thing you can ever do is accusing someone of being something they're not, you loose friendships, you shift the blame, you slip from reality and into denial and i guess my point is that we never know the truth or the lies, we only assume and sometimes the truth hurts more than the lies, so does the accusing... Anyways getting on with it, i really need to stop talking. titles hmm.. *The Thin Lines Between Wrong Or Right *The Tears Of Deceit *Shallow Truths Sharper Than Lies. |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
thanks for how u liked my poem and thansk for helping me out but u see its only about a freind cant u see it has some love in it i like this guy but i have no choice to believe him but its true that we all liie but i have lied to him about liking him inever told him that but i wonder wut is the truth and will it come out one day |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
and also i do rhyming poems and i do poems that dont rhyme so i basically can do both isnt that cool |
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hiddensmiles Senior Member
since 2008-02-07
Posts 514at the beach... i wish |
good write!! JJ |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
thanks |
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midnightdreamer Member
since 2008-02-03
Posts 309Roy,ut |
nice write!! ummm........ about the title, maybe you could use a line from the poem. that's what i do sometimes. or a couple of words from the lines and put it togather to make a poem. like "Are you the one, I want to know" or "Lies or truths which is which?" this is probably terrible advice. great poem though. midnightdreamer black beautiful eyes looking back at me telling me, no fear will show. |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
thanks hehe |
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