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Teen Poetry #8

As I Walk

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

0 posted 2008-03-23 08:41 AM

as i walk through the valley
in the shodow of death
i take a look at my life
and how its such a mess

looking through tired eyes
in a deep retrospect
im living in my own hell
made from my regret

its a deep dark sea
of whats killing me
its a life-long strugle
to try and succeed

but its so hard
when you cant breath
and your all alone
trying not to bleed

i guess ill just carry on
in a state of comatose
and live my life
like a wilting rose

Britt_Brat
Junior Member

since 2008-03-05

Posts 37
Knoxville, TN

1 posted 2008-03-23 02:19 PM

Wow i really like this. it is so close to how I use to be

im lost in a world of love

Assassin_of_Verse
Member

since 2007-10-23

Posts 330
that So Cal

2 posted 2008-03-24 12:18 PM

Though one may walk beneath a shadow, a shadow can only exist with light. Just something I wanted to say. I liked the following stanza:

"i guess ill just carry on
in a state of comatose
and live my life
like a wilting rose"

I don't remember the literary term for it (who would?), but the contrastingness (not a real word) jumped out at me. Thanks for the write!

Dawn gives birth to a new day.
Dusk lays it to rest.

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

3 posted 2008-03-24 09:00 AM

Wow i know how you feel. i feel this hated feeling way too often.

XxZachXx

"What did you think I ment?"

haha yes im sort of crazy deep down inside. lol!!

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