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Teen Poetry #8

Amber Pain (a rewrite)

Tinsel
Junior Member

since 2007-06-04

Posts 36
UK

0 posted 2008-03-01 05:43 PM

I posted this poem on the forums once before and someone said the lines were slightly stilted... anyways, I've rewritten it and hopefully it flows a bit better now.

This scene is on repeat,
My heart is on hold
Crying through the barren night
A desert of a sky imposing on all,
Cast in an orange glow
By street lamps illuminating
All that should be hidden.
I'm too young to sing the blues,
My pain is amber instead,
A lonely dimming fire.
On which silence pours,
Ready to extinguish all
But I hold on,
Spluttering through the night,
Waiting,
Waiting.
Waiting for a speck of glorious mercy
An embrace, a smile,
To kindle what is slipping out of reach.

RedNail
Member

since 2008-02-29

Posts 65
Stockholm, Sweden

1 posted 2008-03-01 06:08 PM

I think it's great. Wonderful work.

Some things are meant to be in the dark.

Life is a rollercoster, live for the ride.

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

2 posted 2008-03-01 09:38 PM

yeah it flows better now.there really good.
can't wait to see more!!

~Zach~

Tinsel
Junior Member

since 2007-06-04

Posts 36
UK

3 posted 2008-03-02 10:59 AM

Yay, thanks. I'm glad I managed to make it better.

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