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RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820
Australia

0 posted 2008-01-28 10:20 PM



Okay guys i had to edit this cause as rebelangel said it was confusing now it's better and bigger it's also a sequel to another poem that i can't remember the name of at the moment.. lol.. so thats why i have used the last stanza of that poem and made it the first stanza in this one..

_____________________________________________________

Captive Emotions Tell Of Only Life!!


Nothing’s what it seems
she’ll love and she’ll regret
She’ll cry and she’ll die
But she won’t forget

She’d seen her dad crying
He was in so much pain
Who knew losing a legend
Would make her whole world insane

She could see the tears building
In her dad’s green eyes
His hands left the glass
And smashed in disguise

His knees hit the floor
With a deafening thud
His head hit his hands
And then came the flood

She sat there herself
Her old man on the ground
He had tears running from his eyes
But yet he made no sound

His life was in pieces
And he’d caused it all
His daughter trapped
By a surrounding wall

He didn’t know she was watching
He prayed she wouldn’t hear
Because seeing him cry
Was his daughters only fear

She hated her dad
She wasn’t proud to admit it
But just for a while
She knew she had to forget it

She stood up for a moment
She walked towards where he lay
“It’ll be okay dad”
“We always find a way”

He knew she was right
But what was done was done
He’d ruined his family
He’d destroyed his son

His son was fourteen
He was lost in life
He’ll soon be a dad
He’ll soon have an 18 y.o wife

He’d left his son
When he needed him the most
When he told him she was pregnant
Dad ran off to the coast

She knew he was sorry
She could see it in his eyes
But still he kept on crying
He’d lost his disguise

Her mum walked into the lounge
Found them huddled on the floor
She knew this was coming
She couldn’t deny it anymore

Tears were forming
In his green eyes
A storm was whirling
In the skies

It was the end of the world
As it seems
So he bent down
And fell to his knees

.......................................

Don’t fall down when life gets tough
Don’t start crying when things get rough
Don’t run away when you get in strife
Because deep down you know... its only life


[This message has been edited by RevengeIsMine (01-29-2008 12:03 AM).]

© Copyright 2008 A Typical Aussie Chick - All Rights Reserved
rebelangelv
Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538
usa
1 posted 2008-01-28 10:31 PM


omg i loved this!!! at first it was a little hard to follow..like when it said " hed destroyed his son" but it was awsome! i really loved the last stanza sooooo much!!!

only a vampire can love you forever.
forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820
Australia
2 posted 2008-01-28 11:38 PM


Thanks rebelangel,
I get the strangeness in fact i can understand it now i re-read it. i'm gunna make some changes now so it does flow better... anyway re comment n tell me what you think of the changes..

rebelangelv
Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538
usa
3 posted 2008-01-29 11:28 PM


o hey, u didnt have to change ur work just cause i said it was confusing!!! girlie, im a blonde!! lol but honestly i do like this vesion a lot better, it explains it more and gets a little deeper into emotion u know. now all the readers can feel the emotion tho poetry rarely ever reaches the depth of experiance and emotion behind the words. but this was great... again lol~!!! and i still love that last stanza!!!

only a vampire can love you forever.
forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820
Australia
4 posted 2008-01-29 11:50 PM


Thanks for the comments RebalAngel.. Yea did hav to change it. i knew when i re-read it there was more emotion left in me.. so thats what i did.. I prefer this version as well and that last stanza is what got me through the last 24 hours.. Who knew i'd start believing in what i wrote..
rebelangelv
Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538
usa
5 posted 2008-01-30 12:14 PM


haha well it was realy awsome and im always here for u no matter wut happens ok?

only a vampire can love you forever.
forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

Earl Robertson
Senior Member
since 2008-01-21
Posts 753
BC, Canada
6 posted 2008-01-30 01:56 PM


Wow RevengelsMine that's amazing. I realy got into the emotion if not the possible meanings. I love it!

"Be Strong and Always Remember what made you you." Earl

"Ooo!!! Ooo!! I know! I know! um...he he" Earl
(Yes I am crazy)

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