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Teen Poetry #8
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T.Cooper
Junior Member
since 2007-11-11
Posts 16
Indiana, US

0 posted 2007-11-12 12:03 PM



Budding Taboo

The spasmodic fireplace, spews it's blackened, tiresome embers..
swimming so eloquently through the dark corridor towards the bruised abyss...
and I sit,
deep, trembling in my chair...

The parlor light radiates... diffusing the entrails of a pale, cold night...
devouring, and lingering over the daunting shadows...
edging towards the breach...
as I sit...
trembling, anxiously in my chair...

The threads of life's own shawl,
digested and engulfed into the beckoning depth...
Long worn hands have nothing more to grasp than mere silk of hair in this world!
Delving through the years of an unfailing mind...
fading into memories, leaving a black hearted shell,
to dwell in his own void...
in this... I sit!
anxious, waiting in my chair...

Death assumes eternity against the youthful spirit,
as he will never cease to unveil his cryptic complexion...
detaching us, from any sense of complacency,
drowning us in his own wicked, vile allusions!
Escaping this hell, I'll bury in a book...
but tomorrow...
I'll sit,
deep, trembling in my chair!

© Copyright 2007 Tyler M. Cooper - All Rights Reserved
moondogz
Member
since 2007-05-01
Posts 397
Great White North
1 posted 2007-11-12 12:53 PM


wow..very impressive...I'd like to see this also posted in the Dark Poetry area...where it could be enjoyed by more folks. Thanks for the excellent read and welcome to this forum...I think you'll have yourself a time.
T.Cooper
Junior Member
since 2007-11-11
Posts 16
Indiana, US
2 posted 2007-11-12 01:02 AM


thanks for the welcome i've been looking around for something like this to share my work and get get the much needed criticism to sharpen my writing, and also I posted it in the dark poetry like you said.. that should have been my first choice.
moondogz
Member
since 2007-05-01
Posts 397
Great White North
3 posted 2007-11-12 01:09 AM


If you really want to be critiqued try Critical Analysis #2. Personally I don't care much for critiquing, I'm more interested in receiving praise...ha, ha.
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
4 posted 2007-11-12 02:01 AM


welcome to pip, this was very good, but you can't post it in two open forums at the same time except if you put it in Critical Analysis #2. Or if you "repost" something from an archived forum.

Please check your email for a special greeting!

moondogz
Member
since 2007-05-01
Posts 397
Great White North
5 posted 2007-11-12 02:08 AM


oops, sorry for leading you astray T.Cooper.
Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
6 posted 2007-11-12 02:21 AM


Bad dogz.
moondogz
Member
since 2007-05-01
Posts 397
Great White North
7 posted 2007-11-12 02:25 AM


Make my day..two legged!!!!!
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
8 posted 2007-11-12 09:13 AM


LOL
it's understandable, having it posted in Dark does make sense. But? This was the first post and had more replies, so the one in Dark was removed. There is always the next one....

surf_painter
Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434
Canada
9 posted 2007-11-12 07:17 PM


um lets see i got the impression that the first 2 stanzas were not a poem but after that it started to work a little better good job
Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
10 posted 2007-11-12 10:20 PM


Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

T.Cooper
Junior Member
since 2007-11-11
Posts 16
Indiana, US
11 posted 2007-11-13 09:58 PM


glad you enjoyed it Arctic,
and thanks for the welcome Sea!

btw, what makes it not sound like a poem in the first two stanzas?

hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
12 posted 2007-11-14 12:37 PM


Welcome to Passions I hope you enjoy it here. I liked this great first post
Krysti

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member
since 2007-06-11
Posts 1062
In Love <3
13 posted 2007-11-15 08:51 AM


woah, impressive first poem. I liked it, i'm glad i scrolled down to dig up some stuff i hadn't seen. (i read all the poems that get posted, i just don't always respond) this was great! liked it, and it was so unique and original. great job T. Cooper

-Kate


"I have no other but a woman's reason:
I think him so, because I think him so."

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