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Teen Poetry #8
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I'm Sorry My Friend Abuse WIll End
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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I'm Sorry My Friend Abuse WIll End |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
ok so this ended not exactly how i pictured it when i started but i hope u all like it n e way please critque.  I see a girl whose face is tattered and torn But then I look again and see something I didn’t catch before Inside the eyes, you can see her soul It’s broken into a million pieces, longing to be whole Through these bright windows, there’s a story being told It’s not a very happy tale but it’s a tale of old This girl has been beaten, battered and blue Sworn to secrecy she didn’t know what she should do She tried to cover the scars that followed the pain But there was just to much hide, all her work was done in vain. People saw through the mask she had placed over those beautiful eyes But all they did was say she’d be okay; she soon realized that it was a lie Her mother kept beating, her uncle helped too One last determination was what she had to do She must keep the will to live; to be strong and go on But one day she just gave up; she had took too much for far too long Now she’s in her last moments and I’m here as a friend My promise held up; I’m with her till the end But I was one who killed her; I told her she’d be fine Had I told someone, she might not have died. She led a hard life and was stronger than I I’ve been through nothing; she went through hell being tempted and tried She held on until the last moments like the fighter that she is Never once was angry and smiled at all that she did I’m sorry my dear friend for just standing on the side I could have done something but I just let it all pass by I’ll make it up to the world somehow; I won’t let them forget the reason of your death I promise you one day abuse will stop and there’ll be happiness left. november 2007 If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you" [This message has been edited by rebelangelv (11-13-2007 06:26 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2007 leah nelson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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prettypinkrebel Member
since 2007-11-07
Posts 104 |
as for the citque there's notmuch to critique i love the poem, and hope it's not truly something you are dealing with. i know how that feels becauei have been in this positon so if you are dealing wit iit and ever need to talk i am here 4 u.. Love && hugz, Adreanna Leigh ps. could u read and comment on my new poem...no tile but maybe confusoin?/ thanks!! Life is normally a broken road....so look ahead for the cracks! |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
Adreanna Leigh ( btw thats a very pretty name) thank u very much! and no it aint wut im going thru at least not to that extent but thank u anyway. and sure absolutely ill go check it out now. If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you" |
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prettypinkrebel Member
since 2007-11-07
Posts 104 |
Thnx. you wrote a very good poem n and i very glad you are not going through this, as i said, been there done that cried the tears kinda thing.. glad u wont have 2....Best wishes Adreanna Leigh |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
awww im very sry uve been thru a pain like that. i hope that u wont have to go thru n e thing of the sort again.  If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you" |
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prettypinkrebel Member
since 2007-11-07
Posts 104 |
yeah, well you never know what the future brings, you just have to be ready for the dead end road, ya know? thanks for your time!&& compassion Adreanna Leigh Life is normally a broken road....so look ahead for the cracks! |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
thats true so true. and ur very welcome! If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you" |
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prettypinkrebel Member
since 2007-11-07
Posts 104 |
so i have a question, do u do group writing, or just single? Life is normally a broken road....so look ahead for the cracks! |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
group writing ...as in writing a poem or prose w/ other ppl??? well if thats the case then not usually but i have a couple times.. If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you" |
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prettypinkrebel Member
since 2007-11-07
Posts 104 |
yeah, that's what i was meanin i was just wonderin cause it seems as if our styles of writing would mix Life is normally a broken road....so look ahead for the cracks! |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
well i dont normally do that but we could try it. did u have something in mind? If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you" |
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T.Cooper Junior Member
since 2007-11-11
Posts 16Indiana, US |
hmm for a critique, I would have to ask what was being said on line.. umm 14? I kind of got lost, maybe it needs re-worded? or I'm just not getting it or something lol, other than that just a couple grammatical/spelling errors as for the poem itself, I absolutely loved it! you write with a wonderful, detailed passion.. keep up the wonderful work |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
yes line 14... i wasnt sure how to word it and its like she just had to do one thing in life ..like keep the determination to live and stuff.....so yea the wording sucks...n e idea for changing????? and thank u very much cooper glad u liked it If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you" |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
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fromme2U Member
since 2007-11-09
Posts 257 |
This was very good! i like your style of writing |
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prettypinkrebel Member
since 2007-11-07
Posts 104 |
Not really, just sounded like a fun kinda thing 2 do, Life is normally a broken road....so look ahead for the cracks! |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
aritc wind and fromme2 u: thank u! If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you" |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
eh pink rebel, that sounds like fun too if ur game i am too If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you" |
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prettypinkrebel Member
since 2007-11-07
Posts 104 |
ok, so should you start or shall i?? doesnt matter to me either way. Life is normally a broken road....so look ahead for the cracks! |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
u can start. but send it to my email when ur r done or get stuck..btw is there a certain topic that u were planning on writting about or just w8ing for it to come 2 u?? If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you" |
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Clockwork_Orange Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620Space Camp, IN |
well this was a poem that gripped me in my seat. it had me on edge, and thats what i liked about it. it was very well written and i would love to read more soon. =] |
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prettypinkrebel Member
since 2007-11-07
Posts 104 |
Not relly. do u have a topic in mind? Life is normally a broken road....so look ahead for the cracks! |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
clocky thanx! pinkreb. no not really w/e is fine w/ me If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you" |
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