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Teen Poetry #8
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Death By Love
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Death By Love |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
yeah so umm i was trying to finsih this and theres a member on here whose screen name is deathbilove prolly meaning like bisexual love right. well it gave me the idea to title this and end it death by love as in from love. yea well just read and critique please  im not sure its that great but please ur opinion matters. You practically destroyed me So am I crazy for still loving you? I can’t find myself to get over it I still have feelings too It hurts to hear you have eyes for other people It’s like I wasn’t good enough I know I’m not very pretty I guess I just don’t have the right stuff I’m sorry that I love you And that I couldn’t be the one But were all over now Everything’s said and done You’re missing and I’m empty I’m all by myself When I said I fell in love I spoke from the heart Now I’m at rock bottom Waiting for this pain to end The crazy thing is, for you I’m willing to go through it all again Something must be wrong with me Because I can’t get over you You already tore my soul apart There isn’t much left for you to do So I just past the time each day Slowing fading to black I’m hurting over you It’s not a rumor; it’s a fact I guess there’s just no happy ending For my sad pathetic tale of love No more wishing on shooting stars Or getting what I’ve always dreamt of All because of death by love ocotber 2007 If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you" |
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| © Copyright 2007 leah nelson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Seeker72 Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387Oregon USA |
I liked it. This part didn't flow very well though. "You’re missing and I’m empty I’m all by myself When I said I fell in love I literally fell!!" It cuts off to soon, so you might want to reword it somehow... or not. Just my 3 cents worth. |
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Elias Nevermore Member
since 2007-11-03
Posts 152 |
nice poem rebel. i agree with seeker's comments. anyways can yo checkout my poem "Awaken" in this forum. -Elias(nevermore93) |
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surf_painter Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434Canada |
I found that it didn't flow at the beginning but as you kept going it started to glide |
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justanotherstorm Member
since 2007-10-24
Posts 321 |
cool poem that sad though that they destroyed you i think you should forget about them they sound mean but nice poem |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
seeker , surf, and elias: yes i know that one stanza i got like writers block on it so i was just like w/e but does anyone have ne ideas of what else i could put there? or should i just take the whole thing out?? justanotherstorm: yep i sorta am. they are sooo mean to me nowadays i can hardly ever imagine a relationship again. they are just falling apart and i care more about their wellbeing than by old heartbreak. but when i think about how happy i WAS and how good things WERE it still makes me sad esepically that theyve dropped this far from what i used to love. n e ways this was old obviously check da date. |
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justanotherstorm Member
since 2007-10-24
Posts 321 |
that was last month like two weeks ago is that old now a days well yeah did u drop them or do u still love them |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
i cant member exactly but it was a while ago...ummm idk y so interested??? |
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Seeker72 Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387Oregon USA |
Random thoughts here. "You’re missing and I’m empty I’m all by myself When I said I fell in love It was body and soul" "You’re missing and I’m empty I’m all by myself When I said I fell in love I opened up my heart" "You’re missing and I’m empty I’m all by myself When I said I fell in love I spoke from the heart" "You’re missing and I’m empty now standing by myself I wonder what I did to you as we quickly grew apart" I'm not very good when it comes to rhyming poetry but I hope it gives you some food for thought. |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
o wow thanx!!!!!!!!!!! i liked the one where it says ...i spoke from the heart...mind if i steal it??? |
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Seeker72 Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387Oregon USA |
I threw it out for you to do as you please, so be my guest. Glad I could be of help. |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
o muy gracias!!!! lol thanx again |
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Seeker72 Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387Oregon USA |
Always welcome. |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
Wow I love this one it has got to be my favorite from you Krysti |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
hahah their all ur favorites!!!! n e ways thanx again Krysti. i love u!!! |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
yo u should write something other than ejoyed on everyones poems... If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you" |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
true true I cant help it  they are all good:PKrysti |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
ahhahah thank u !!! ur so sweet! If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you" |
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littlefairy Member
since 2007-08-06
Posts 51New York |
that was good it came straight from you and it was easy to tell. Good write. I’m good during the day. But at night I wait.I wait for the one who’ll never return. |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
thanx littlefairy! If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you" |
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