Dirty Dancing With The Devil

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RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

0 posted 2007-11-04 07:04 PM

Cross-folded sheets and rose scented pillows
Lay on the bed beneath the willows
It took you long enough I whisper in your ear
But everything will be okay now, baby I’m here

Blinded by my big blue eyes you couldn’t see the pain
But you always knew that I’d make you insane
You see it doesn’t take a genius too know that I am lost
And going out with me would be a deathly cost

If you thought I was gunna write some sappy love poem, then you thought wrong
Why would I write about love when it’s the genre of every song?
I’m just a messed up with nothing else to write
And seeing me undressed would sure give you a fright

So this is a tale that shall come to a stop
Don’t sleep with the devil or you will be shot
This poem is dead just like the rest
So don’t bother telling me that this is the best
Or I’ll hitch up my skirt, climb through you screen
It won’t be long til I hear you scream
You danced with devil and you knew very well
That messing with me would leave tales to tell

Okay so this is a lil lame.. n i have no idea why i posted it but hey some critisism now n then can't hurt..

rebelangelv
Senior Member

since 2007-05-28

Posts 538
usa

1 posted 2007-11-04 07:48 PM

ummmmm wow i cant tell if i really liked this or ummm didnt. interesting subject tho. i liked how u all of a sudden like started talking to the reader n stuff. that was cool. yep sometimes u just gotta write random stuff huh.

moondogz
Member

since 2007-05-01

Posts 397
Great White North

2 posted 2007-11-04 09:52 PM

You are certainly in touch with your "dark side", I like your work. You might want to do some posting in the Dark Poetry section so more pipsters could enjoy them...just a suggestion.

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

3 posted 2007-11-04 10:42 PM

Thanks Guys.. Deff will moon..

pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

4 posted 2007-11-05 04:10 PM

really loved this. You may want to work on the structure of the lines so that the wording will flow better...anyway good write im going to get Pencil to review this...

\Rerra/

Elias Nevermore
Member

since 2007-11-03

Posts 152

5 posted 2007-11-05 06:07 PM

great poem. very dark, but well written, good job.

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

6 posted 2007-11-05 07:28 PM

Thank you Guys I never expected this type of reaction anyway i adore all of your replies..

Pen i will deff work on this..

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

7 posted 2007-11-05 09:22 PM

this was a pretty cool poem i could see it as being a poem for someone who broke your heart it was pretty cool

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

8 posted 2007-11-06 01:53 AM

You danced with devil and you knew very well
That messing with me would leave tales to tell

love this Jess amazing

Krysti

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

9 posted 2007-11-12 10:08 PM

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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