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Teen Poetry #8

High Above Us

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

0 posted 2007-11-03 10:42 AM

The friends
Joined hands
When together
Will they grow apart
Only to stick together
From the last
Glowing part
Their hearts beat
Through the pain
Of hurting
And losing
But what happens
To the man
Who loved
And lost
And what happens
To the girl
Who shared
And hurt
Will they fall apart
Never to see
The flickering
Of the candle
That kept them safe
The heart
That broke without
Faith
They will join together
With angel wings
High above us
To join
The lost
And the hurting
Souls
Forever gone
Forever alive

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

1 posted 2007-11-04 12:09 PM

i kinda got lost through this one. hmmm. i'll go back and read it again.

Leanne <3
Member

since 2007-08-25

Posts 216
N.S.W, Australia

2 posted 2007-11-05 12:57 PM

this one really hit close to home...simply amazing write!!

Elias Nevermore
Member

since 2007-11-03

Posts 152

3 posted 2007-11-05 06:12 PM

a little to scattered of a rhyme scheme. Not very coherent overall. But not too bad. Concept is god but you got to revise some of it and you should try not to repeat the same words twice. For example ( together and happens)

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

4 posted 2007-11-12 10:07 PM

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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