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Teen Poetry #8
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nevermore93
Member
since 2007-10-24
Posts 73


0 posted 2007-10-24 10:12 PM



I still can remember that day
I cried so hard my tears ran dry
for in my arms I held you
for the very last time

You left this world that day
you ascended to the stars
leaving behind broken memories
and a shattered loveless heart

I feel pain, a pain I cant describe
which came that dreadful day, the day you died
and now how shall I move on
when all that I loved in life is gone

Something in me just longs to be with you
my heart is troubled with memories,
memories that I only want to forget
for every second I dwell upon you, my life is spent


I realize now that I can't forget you
Your love still has its hold on me
A hold that I truly never want to ease
I'm calling out to you, please mine again
I can feel your spirit surrounding me
silently calling out my name
waiting for me to be with you once again
to come be with you in heaven some day.

[This message has been edited by nevermore93 (10-25-2007 08:11 PM).]

© Copyright 2007 Elias L. - All Rights Reserved
Assassin_of_Verse
Member
since 2007-10-23
Posts 330
that So Cal
1 posted 2007-10-24 11:19 PM


Nice poem, but there were some grammar issues in the poem. Other than that, it was a solid piece. Also, did this happen recently?

The more you know, the more you know you don't know. -Socrates

Only at TroyT...

nevermore93
Member
since 2007-10-24
Posts 73

2 posted 2007-10-24 11:39 PM


this didnt happen recently. it just something that popped into my head. , and if you could tell me pls, what were the grammar issues

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820
Australia
3 posted 2007-10-25 06:21 AM


OMG i hope u realize that ive been crying here for 30 minutes.. This describes the ache that ive had in my heart since i lost my daughter.. Its so real.. Really loved it. Thankyou...
Derek
Junior Member
since 2007-10-20
Posts 38
New Hampshire, USA
4 posted 2007-10-25 05:38 PM


Nice poem. I agree with the grammar issues, but I could only find one

"and an shattered loveless heart"

that "an" is suppost to be "a". You only use "an" if the next word begins with a vowel I believe.

nevermore93
Member
since 2007-10-24
Posts 73

5 posted 2007-10-25 08:11 PM


thank you all for your great comments. Im glad taht the poem reachesd you as much as it did.
RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member
since 2007-06-11
Posts 1062
In Love <3
6 posted 2007-10-25 08:32 PM


i liked it, sad, but meaningful.

-Kate

"I thought I'd just mention in passing . . . I always wanted a Sparkly of my very own." -Jeremy The Crow

nevermore93
Member
since 2007-10-24
Posts 73

7 posted 2007-10-25 08:32 PM


thanks kate. i appreciate the kind words
hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
8 posted 2007-10-26 12:48 PM


wow this was amazing I loved the words and the flow was flawless. I hope to read more from you
Krysti

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
9 posted 2007-10-26 04:37 AM


A very sensitive write, nevermore93.

Poignant too.

Love,
Margherita

latteaddict213
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Senior Member
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523
Colorado
10 posted 2007-10-26 07:46 AM


that was well writen..
and very sweet..
i liked it..
¢¾jess

surf_painter
Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434
Canada
11 posted 2007-10-26 03:40 PM


that was a lovely poem so full of emotion and soo sad i loved the way you wrote it if anything was changed it would not be the same
Verg
Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 52
Colorado
12 posted 2007-10-26 04:22 PM


wow
prettypinkrebel
Member
since 2007-11-07
Posts 104

13 posted 2007-11-09 11:24 AM


I love it it describes how i feel right now thanks for the powerful right!!
Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
14 posted 2007-11-12 10:14 PM


Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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