Poisoned apples and Black roses

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8-trigrams
New Member

since 2007-10-17

Posts 9

0 posted 2007-10-17 08:30 AM

Ok, so this is my first try at this and i know its not great... so yeahh...

Poisoned apples and Black roses

Have u been to iraq? Have u walked with the dead?
There's a-hundered-thousand childeren bein killed for their bread

So the clock ticks on to the human end
No one knows wat waits around the bend

So they look for insight somwhere up there
To the polititions shaking, sweatin and loosin their hair

So to to stop their boredom they start a war
For the government its as easy as steppin on bugs on the floor

As democracy continues to dictate
Boiling blood will circulate

Government faces many angry screams
The silence is followed by gunfire and gasoline

The revolution is-a-rising
News flash government that aint suprising

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2007-10-17 10:09 AM

Welcome to Pip!

I think you did great with this one, minus a spelling error...lol

*please check your email for a special greeting!

Abbeon
Member

since 2006-11-30

Posts 228
Curiousity, and wonder

2 posted 2007-10-17 02:45 PM

Hey that was pretty good.

Welcome to the best place for passionate poetry, I’m glad I checked out the teen poetry today. I'll keep an eye out for your writing in my prowling area (dark poetry) I know it’s hard to be new.

Smiles from...

Abbeon

The world behind these thoughtful eyes, caution may seem crazy.

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

3 posted 2007-10-17 04:42 PM

umm love the title.

-Kate

"I thought I'd just mention in passing . . . I always wanted a Sparkly of my very own." -Jeremy The Crow

8-trigrams
New Member

since 2007-10-17

Posts 9

4 posted 2007-10-17 07:39 PM

thanx ppl, look 4ward to readin urs and postin up more (and hopefully better) ones up!

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

5 posted 2007-10-17 11:27 PM

i think you did extremely well with the flow.

loved the title.

but i support the war so it kind of went against my beliefs.
but i wont deny it was well written.

good job, & welcome to pip :]

~missy
afraid of my feelings and falling too deep, but i had to let go of the pain let it rain down on me

8-trigrams
New Member

since 2007-10-17

Posts 9

6 posted 2007-10-18 06:50 AM

Hey thanx, im against the war cuz i dont think us aussie troops shud b there,

but thats just my opinion ya know,
and thats cool if u agree with the war im not here to change opinions just to express mine, k now time to write another 1... lol..

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

7 posted 2007-10-18 08:17 AM

welcome and that was a well done poem i liked the first half better then the last half though the first parts seemed to flow easily and then nearing the end it seemed to be forced but still well done

8-trigrams
New Member

since 2007-10-17

Posts 9

8 posted 2007-10-18 08:45 AM

thanx the 5th verse is my fav. but yeah i know wat u mean i also felt that forced kind of affect in the last half

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

9 posted 2007-10-18 08:04 PM

wow Welcome to Passions that was an amazing first post man if only mine was that good but that was like 500 years ago haha.. well looking forward to reading more from you.
Krysti

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