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Teen Poetry #8
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Last Night
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Last Night |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
At a loss for what to do, I finally told the cops about you, you stripped me of everything I had, and still had the audacity to call me bad, last night was awful you were out to kill, now you're in jail but I'm scared still, you threatened the life of us all, luckily my sister gave the police a call, There was blood everywhere just like on TV, the onlt difference is it's the life of me, the cops were there right away, you looked at us and said you'll pay, then of you ran into the dark, as the neighbors dog began to bark, for an hour the cops searched the place, until you finally decided to show your face, the cop drove us home when you were gone, I still can't believe what was done, we have to move before you are out of jail, before you find someone to post your bail, I can't believe I was seconds from death, the thought makes me dizy and out of breath, and every time a car drives by, I flinch, I hide, and silently cry, Tomorrow's your trial we have to days to move, you almost killed us what the hell did you prove? you hid your guns we looked everywhere, i'm scared for our lives if you get out of there, I keep saying relax i'm safe now, I try to stay clam but I don't know how, I hope tomorrow will be a better day, so I can breathe easy if I have something to say. ~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~ |
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| © Copyright 2007 Krysti - All Rights Reserved | |||
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BrittanyJ Member
since 2007-06-03
Posts 461Come find me? |
Wow...it was an amazing poem, i could definantly feel the emotion, but i hope that didn't really happen to you!! So no more hiding all your pain, you deserve a new start. That's why i'm closing myself away, this is a message from your heart. |
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Clockwork_Orange Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620Space Camp, IN |
for real that would totally suck. the poem was really good though. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hi Hunnie, How's it going? Been awhile since I've posted so I'm a little lost, lots of new faces. I liked the poem, not my favorite by you but it was still good. A few rough spots here and there, spelling errors, stuff like that. Thanks for sharing the piece though; nice seeing something by you again  "The rising morning can't insure that we shall end the day; For death stands ready at the door to snatch our lives away" |
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StormyB Junior Member
since 2007-07-18
Posts 42Ohio Usa |
very well done. It was very easy to identify with the charactor. |
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surf_painter Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434Canada |
you coudl feel the emotion just by reading it the only part that i found that didn't really fit was the last 4 lines (paragraph) i don't think it really flowed into the poem like the rest did |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Hey very nice, I am thinking whoa if this is really about you. Good writting. |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
umm tx you guys and umm yea that is actually my life.... hunnie. ~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~ |
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sexykitten15 Junior Member
since 2007-07-22
Posts 34 |
WOW!! I am so sorry! That is amazing. i hope things turn out ok for you! |
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BrittanyJ Member
since 2007-06-03
Posts 461Come find me? |
Aww hunnie!! I'm so sorry  If you ever need someone to be there for ya, i'm always here  And we all luv ya.So no more hiding all your pain, you deserve a new start. That's why i'm closing myself away, this is a message from your heart. |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
That is really sad, I am so sorry that happened to you. Very creative piece, it was good. I liked it, I think it had alot of emotion. RhIa |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
awe thank you all hunnie. ~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~ |
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Raverzz New Member
since 2007-12-19
Posts 3 |
Shizzle. Itss Good. Allow if that actully happend to you x x x |
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wolf girl Member
since 2007-12-03
Posts 150washington, US |
its was incredibly awsome write! i know how you feel i have been through this before too. just hold tight things will get better. |
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Belinda Member
since 2006-01-30
Posts 126UK |
Hiya hunnie, I haven't been on in a long time but it's real good to read more of your work. Now back to your post. wow, you never fail to amaze me! it's really sad, but bad things happen to good people. Really emotional write. Stay strong. Belinda x Expect nothing, Prepare for anything. |
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xbrokenxlullabyx Junior Member
since 2007-12-25
Posts 36NJ, U.S.A. |
hey, I really like this piece I think the emotion is really strong the msot powerful line in my mind was: "you almost killed us, but what the hell did you prove?" that's really strong, the fear in the rest of the piece is very... well obvious, it is natural and of course that would occur. The anger, however, is what gives the piece depth. that line blew my mind with the directness. nice work. -susanna Susanna V. |
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xbrokenxlullabyx Junior Member
since 2007-12-25
Posts 36NJ, U.S.A. |
sorry, hun I didn't say what I meant to in my last post (oops) first, this is your life? wow, wow wow wow. i'm obviously really sorry, but on top of that, you amaze me! my friend was murdered and I'm yet to be able to write a powerful poem about it, it's incredible you were able to overcome this awful thing. i disagree with a previous post, i really like the last 4 lines. The last line could be deemed a bit confusing but I tihnk the overall idea of them shows character growth (eh that feels weird, seeing as the "character" is you and this is real) anyway I disagree, the alst four lines rock. |
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