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pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

0 posted 2007-06-29 02:53 PM

I’m my own person
Too bad, you could be your own too
But as long as you’re around her
She’ll continue to change you

I don’t wanna be the friend that stands
And watches as you slowly fall
But you’re shutting me out
And I can’t climb the walls
They’re much too tall

I like the way you are
When it’s just me and you
But, girl, you’re driving me crazy
What happened to the friend I knew?

I guess I’ll be okay
Someday, this too shall pass
I’m just so confused
I thought our friendship would last

I don’t wanna be the friend that stands
And watches as she kills you
But you don’t want me there
This ain’t the girl that I knew

I’m my own person
I wish you were your own too
But as long as you’re around her
She’ll continue to change you

What happened to the friend I knew?

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things!

Alaina
Member

since 2007-06-16

Posts 106

1 posted 2007-06-29 04:05 PM

I really liked the feeling going on in your poem. I was going through i situation just like this a little while ago and I know what you're feeling. Although it was very good I wasn't too crazy about some of the words you chose. I don't know, maybe I just don't like repetition but some of it just didn't click for me. It was good though

I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why can't it be mine?
-Eddie Vedder

Gifted
Member

since 2007-06-26

Posts 140
Caribbean

2 posted 2007-06-29 08:48 PM

Ok, here's what I feel. Some of it flowed and then other parts didn't, it just seemed like you were looking for words to rhyme. Seems a bit forced actually. One more thing, in the second stanza I feel that the line "They’re much too tall" should be omitted simply because it would flow better that way. Other than that it was nice.

Peace. Love. Forgiveness.
Blessings and Guidance

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

3 posted 2007-07-01 06:02 PM

I don't know what they are talking about, i thought it was amazing. I just wanted you to know that im going through the exact same thing

Best of wishes.

There is only so much blood i can bleed for you, and continue to live.

Jezzika
Member

since 2005-01-05

Posts 154
work

4 posted 2007-07-02 12:34 PM

This was so great...
I don't know HOW MANY TIMES I have had to deal with this kind of situation and for some reason they NEVER want to listen....
smiles

great poem

One trillion dollars could buy a heart a soul ~ Anti-Flag

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

5 posted 2007-07-05 05:15 PM

yah I really loved this too. ahh it's good to be back here.
hunnie.

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

pencil&paper
Member

since 2006-09-09

Posts 76
asleep somewhere in my head

6 posted 2007-07-15 08:06 PM

i like it might be one of my favs i think you might have read it to me before and i probably commented then but i wanted to reply anyway

"Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music."~Angela Monet

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

7 posted 2007-07-15 09:17 PM

hey man, your good. really good. and i must say your talented. this just blew me away. great depth and length man. not too long, not too short. and the rhythm was great too. it just flowed really well and nothing seemed forced out. good job.

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

8 posted 2007-07-16 07:04 PM

i liked this, it reminded me not to change to much. thanks! don't you just love poetry and the way it speaks to you- almost as if it's alive?

-Red

"I thought I'd just mention in passing . . . I always wanted a Sparkly of my very own." -Jeremy The Crow

Tinsel
Junior Member

since 2007-06-04

Posts 36
UK

9 posted 2007-07-19 03:52 AM

I can totally relate to that poem, it was really good.

I did think that this bit sounded slightly awkward
“This ain’t the girl that I knew”
It might sound better if it was
“You’re not the friend I knew” or something like that.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

10 posted 2007-07-19 06:36 PM

I had one friend like this...haven't thought of her in a long long time. I miss the girl she used to be...

great write

Rainbowrose
Junior Member

since 2007-08-11

Posts 11

11 posted 2007-08-11 10:41 PM

i loved it all it was cerean, beautiful sume words not to be exspland in outher words just plan beautiful!

littlefairy
Member

since 2007-08-06

Posts 51
New York

12 posted 2007-08-12 01:33 PM

Wow i really enjoyed that. Especially your last verse. It was great. Very heart felt. I hope your friend stops changing for you.

I’m good during the day. But at night I wait.I wait for the one who’ll never return.

~frustrated writer~
Member

since 2008-02-25

Posts 84

13 posted 2008-02-28 09:45 AM

your poem is really great!
i couldn't say any bad comments on your poem.. ;]

**LiRa**

fromme2U
Member

since 2007-11-09

Posts 257

14 posted 2008-02-28 11:28 AM

I AGREE WITH RENAISSANCE..I ABSOLUTELY LOVE LISTENING TO POETRY SPEAK!!ALSO GOOD JOB ON THIS POEM BROUGHT BACK MEMORIES OF AN OLD FRIEND TOO.

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