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RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

0 posted 2007-06-29 02:10 PM

This one was modeled after a dream I had. I don’t think I betrayed the feelings I felt, I don’t think that I possibly could. But it was one of the worst experiences in my life, the scariest and most frightening.

The End

I’ve been to the moon and saw with my eyes
The moment the world met its shocking demise
As I lay in my bunker, trying to think
The moon creaked so loudly it began to sink

Right before the earth split into two
We had been talking just me and you
Hopes and dreams now crashed so far
Now all lay on the floor in desperate mar

All of us choose separation- we’re all dieing
We all sit in our rooms alone, just trying
Most of us are trying to grasp
What curse it is to be the last

The moon is now falling at an alarming rate
Into nothing we are falling- our selfish fate
True be told, we destroyed our homes down below
The destruction came from us- we made it so

We’re running out of air as we’re falling out
All these sick feelings so awful and worst of all- doubt
As I take my last breath, sick and afraid
I feel strange peace that must be heaven made

If love were a picture that painting would never be finished.

Alaina
Member

since 2007-06-16

Posts 106

1 posted 2007-06-29 04:02 PM

I thought this was really interesting. it made me think and I really like poems that can be interpreted in different ways. great job!

I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why can't it be mine?
-Eddie Vedder

Gifted
Member

since 2007-06-26

Posts 140
Caribbean

2 posted 2007-06-29 10:03 PM

It was a nice poem, although a good bit of the rhymes sounded forced. Also, you spelled "dying" wrong. Other than that, good job.

Peace. Love. Forgiveness.
Blessings and Guidance

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

3 posted 2007-07-10 05:21 PM

i think this is your best yet

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

4 posted 2007-07-12 01:10 AM

wow this flowed great I loved it might be one fo your best... still more to come tho.
hunnie.

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

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