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Teen Poetry #8
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Alaina
Member
since 2007-06-16
Posts 106


0 posted 2007-06-28 09:57 PM



“Just look at the sky tonight.”
I’m not quite sure if I heard that right.
You’re finally saying what you think about,
It’s time for your mind to breathe out.

You said I’m the only one who’s ever seen you,
It’s still so hard to believe I’ve broken through.
Your hard shell used to worry me,
I knew there was something inside wanting to be set free.

Although our outsides are different, the love’s the same,
Both of us able to ignite the flame.
We’ve kept it burning through those times
When all you could ever hear were our cries.

We’ve helped each other break away
From the demons telling us to stay.
It’s time to finally confess
Those feelings we tried so hard to suppress.

You were scared to open the locks
Instead you wanted it secured in your box.
Your feelings are finally being released,
You’ve broken free from the beast.

I was dependent and alone,
Wanting to stay an unknown.
Until you found a way inside
I no longer feel the need to hide.

You’ve done for me, what I have for you.
It was a done deal when you said “I love you too.”
This bond will never be broken
That is, until the beast is awoken.

I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why can't it be mine?
-Eddie Vedder

© Copyright 2007 Alaina - All Rights Reserved
Gifted
Member
since 2007-06-26
Posts 140
Caribbean
1 posted 2007-06-28 11:58 PM


It was cool.  I liked the flow of it, although some of the words you used were pretty blunt, but it was nice.  I liked the last stanza the most, especially the first two lines.  

"You’ve done for me, what I have for you.
It was a done deal when you said “I love you too.”
This bond will never be broken
That is, until the beast is awoken. "

Peace. Love. Forgiveness.
  Blessings and Guidance

BrittanyJ
Member
since 2007-06-03
Posts 461
Come find me?
2 posted 2007-07-01 07:38 PM


This is definantly my favorite out of all of the ones you've posted I really liked it a lot!!

Please excuse me, my heart is bleeding.

Jezzika
Member
since 2005-01-05
Posts 154
work
3 posted 2007-07-02 12:31 PM


This was great!!!
I love how well it flowed...

One trillion dollars could buy a heart a soul ~ Anti-Flag

hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
4 posted 2007-07-05 05:13 PM


I really loved the last stanza amazing write I also agree one of my fav. by you.
hunnie.

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

surf_painter
Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434
Canada
5 posted 2007-07-10 05:27 PM


this was a great poem great emotion

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