navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #8 » My Sleeves, Yeah, They’re Bleeding
Teen Poetry #8
Post A Reply Post New Topic My Sleeves, Yeah, They’re Bleeding Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member
since 2007-06-11
Posts 1062
In Love <3

0 posted 2007-06-15 09:26 AM



My Sleeves, Yeah, They’re Bleeding

Cry away our last meeting,
My sleeves, yeah, they’re bleeding
Take your time in coming out
My clothes are ripped, yet you doubt

Killing time isn’t so easy without your face
It pulls time unruly into strict place
Miss my words and kiss my sidewalk tears
You just walked into the hall of mirrors

Too many times you let me outside
Not enough have I tried
My body speaks volumes to your mind’s contour
And that’s the problem- my words mean so much more

Cry away our last meeting,
My sleeves, yeah, they’re bleeding
Take your time in coming out
My clothes are ripped, yet you doubt

Live in love and breathe in sounds of running water
And find the word that killed you a martyr
Long live the pretend story you keep running in
You keeping it running in and through your metal tin

Cry away our last meeting,
My sleeves, yeah, they’re bleeding
Take your time in coming out
My clothes are ripped, yet you doubt

Cry away our last meeting
My sleeves, yeah, they’re bleeding
Yeah, they’re bleeding out
Bleeding because you doubt

© Copyright 2007 RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed - All Rights Reserved
rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
1 posted 2007-06-15 06:38 PM


Just a bit confused about the bleeding, suggestion would be to include a bit more of why they are bleeding because when you bring something in like that it is hard for the reader when you base it on something and don't explain.

The main stanza was very good thogugh albeit confusing, makes me want to read more

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #8 » My Sleeves, Yeah, They’re Bleeding

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary