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Teen Poetry #8
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RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member
since 2007-06-11
Posts 1062
In Love <3

0 posted 2007-06-12 04:52 PM



Broken, Shattered, and all Other Meanings of Said Words

Where does this nervous nausea come from, it prevents nervous eating
There’s no reason for it either- at lease consciously there is nothing
Yet my fingers still shake, and my heart is fluttering violently again
It leaves me wondering and thinking about how this will finally end

Tonight I feel so awful- I feel rejected to the highest possible degree
I’m making my self physically sick from trying to follow all of this, poor me
What are you doing to me now? Have I just fallen for a huge joke?
I think I would be ripped to pieces, I think that on my own words I would choke

The tears haven’t started yet- but they’re coming on sooner than I would have liked
Don’t I mean anything- or was I just a pretty face to play with before I was hiked?
Why are you breaking me down now, do I really deserve to be ripped apart again?
Somebody love me, someone hold me while I cry into your shirt tonight again and again

My eyes are welling up, and I feel I may break down soon oh so soon I’ll break
One tear rolls down my cheek, who is there to wipe it away from me, to tear take?
You’re making me feel worthless now, why does this always happen and happen to me
Was this wonderful thing just all a hoax I thought I loved you; I thought I could see . . .

I’ve never felt so small, I’ve never felt this way at all- and I don’t even care if I shouldn’t
Now I just feel foolish and hurt beyond repair, what should I do and where wouldn’t  . . .
Is there a place where pain doesn’t exist, if so, lead me there by sun and moon light too?
Just promise that there you will leave me, because as of right now I can’t handle you

There’s a tear stain on my cheek, and salty wet on my palm, what do I do now?
Is there anything I can do, what have I done, I can fix it, look at me somehow
I can’t believe that you would do something as heartless as this, can’t I please fix it?
I know I’m persistent, I’m sorry that I am, for it causes me a heart breaking hit

Am I holding on to something that doesn’t exist, something that never did?
Do you hate me, or have I just become annoying to you now; do I need to be hid?
I’ll hide and be gone from you forever- if it’s what you want, for I truly love you
Why have you hurt me like this, is it really you in there, is it, is it really you?

© Copyright 2007 RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed - All Rights Reserved
surf_painter
Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434
Canada
1 posted 2007-06-12 11:20 PM


this was an awsome poem i really liked it it had such meaning in it and such emotion it was just fantastic but i had the same problem i had reading some of your other poems the sentences seem to long my thought would be to break them up so take this line from your poem for example:

I’m making my self physically sick from trying to follow all of this, poor me

that being one full sentence and maybe break it up so that it reads:

I'm making my self physically sick
From trying to follow all of this
poor me

and so forth for some of the other sentences i just think it would definitely help some of the people read your poems and not get jumbled up but keep up the good work i loved this one alot  

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member
since 2007-06-11
Posts 1062
In Love <3
2 posted 2007-06-13 12:41 PM


i see what you mean. thanks. it helped alot.

-Red

I stuck my bare hand into your rip cage and fished around until I found your heart ripped it out tore it apart while saying You dont need this anymore

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