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buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

0 posted 2007-06-05 08:09 PM

i hate knowing i should sleep
even more that it is you keeping me awake
i don't know how many more times i will weep
or even how many times my heart will break

i know that somewhere you are not thinking of me
even worse, i know you are thinking of her
i cannot being to hope that soon you will see
that you and me are what is and will be real and sure

i hate turning out my light
cause i know five minutes from now it will be back on
i hate the feeling inside my heart, but it is right
i know our love will remain long gone

i cannot stand the feeling of love, cause it hurts
what is supposed to be so amazing causes such pain
i hate how many times you said mean words
and that they are making me go insane

i don't know what is keeping me
but my eyes just will not stay shut!
i understand so much that we cannot be
what is killing me is that i will never give up

i cannot stay in love but i will not move on
because baby, you are truly the best thing
i don't know when it comes if the sun will still shine
because darkness is all my life now brings

the worst thing about it all
is sitting here waiting when you don't call
no, not even that, that i can do
what is hurting me most: it's just another damn night waiting on you.

~missy
takin pictures in my mind to savem for a rainy day.. its hard to make a conversation cause he's jus takin my breath away..

Reba Burt
New Member

since 2007-05-31

Posts 9
Indiana

1 posted 2007-06-05 08:35 PM

wow, that was great poem i can really get into it. i feel like im in ur place, which i kinda am in a small way

I love you all
*Reba*

forever*wishing
Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 178
where my heart is

2 posted 2007-06-05 09:39 PM

wow...ya, i can relate...definately...
i've written lots of poems about pretty much the same thing...so far the only love i've experienced sucks! i've spent lots of nights up b/c my thinking wont stop...some of those nights included sad movies and chocolate and icecream!! lol...but ya, i like the poem very much! its easy to read(like the way its worded) GREAT JOB! and we're holding out for those perfect guys, right? ; )

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

3 posted 2007-06-06 10:54 AM

Lol, keep wishing forever wishing. i don't think there are any perfect guys!

it was a great poem! i liked how you worded it! Hope to read more soon.

Life is not a matter of destiny, but a matter of choice.

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

4 posted 2007-06-06 02:25 PM

After too long I'm back. Its ok I can applaud myself. K i am just very proud of myself for getting all my hw done so I can get on PiP again. Yay !Yay me. Ok sorry now couple of suggestions....

[ ] = somewhere i changed and suggest something to fix
( )= delete or think of deleting or maybe alter or change
_  = delte

i hate knowing i should sleep
even more [than that its for you i keep ] awake
i don't know how many more times i  weep
or how many ?more? times my heart will break

i know that somewhere you are not thinking of me
even worse, i know your thinking of her
i cannot being to hope that soon you will see
*after this last line its a bit confusing did a word get left out somewhere or another.

that you and me are what is and will be real and sure

i hate turning out my light
i know five minutes from now it will be  on
i hate [that the feeling inside  is right]
i know our love will remain long gone

i cannot stand the feeling of love,  it hurts
what is supposed to be so amazing causes such *or* (my) pain
i hate how many times you said mean words
and that they make me  insane

i don't know what is keeping me
but my eyes just won't stay shut!
i understand _so much_ that we cannot be
*the so much can go because you don't need it, to add power it just takes away and putting simply I understand packs more punch

what is killing me is that i [can't] _will_ never give up

i cannot stay in love but i will not move on
because baby, you are truly the best thing
i don't know ?when? [untill]  it comes if the sun will still shine
* the when doesn't make sense because you would know when it comes that the sun shines so maybe untill it comes.

because darkness is all my life brings

the worst thing about it all
is sitting here waiting [for you not to] (when you don't) call
no, not even that, that i can do
what is hurting me most: it's just another damn night waiting on you.

*Brilliant last line it packed such unbelievable punch. Very nice. Best line in the entire poem.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

5 posted 2007-06-06 06:50 PM

thank you all so soo much for the replies! I am sorry for the ones who've experienced this..

but im sure its for a reason

Rhia, thanks for spending the time to edit/correct/critique my poem so thoroughly!! I read half of what you had done, but i've got to run quickly, so when i get back from work i'm going to edit it using some of your ideas!

thanks again!
btw, WB RHIA!!:]

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

6 posted 2007-06-10 11:09 PM

wow this was a great poem and it seems that this boy has hurt you alot very painful

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

7 posted 2007-06-13 04:42 PM

thanks for the reply surf_painter.. ya it does hurt sometimes, but its alright, i know, in the end

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