Untitled (NEED HELP WITH A NAME)

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Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

0 posted 2007-05-30 10:37 PM

so i cant figure out a name for this piece so i thought that since you took the time to read it, i want to hear what you can come up with. im stuck.

wrap me up in your silver words,
and suspend me in the air.
tell me the tales in vivid detail,
every single worry, whim, or care.

then strangle the truth out of a vicoious lie,
im still struggling to see through this light.
at least i can say that i gave it my all,
im sinking and sinking...im ready to fall.

and i can tell in your broken words,
that you wish it didnt end this way.
that you never would have messed this up,
and everything was still okay.

so dont tell me you dont have any regrets,
as you stand in sorrow before me.
your masquerade of unruly lies has broken my pride,
and your lies have taught me nothing.

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

1 posted 2007-05-31 07:23 AM

its very good it flowed nicely for a title how bout something like undeadened fairytale

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

2 posted 2007-05-31 09:00 AM

Simba~

I rather like rooting through your thoughts to find a title suggestion~

How's about -

"Silver Words" ?

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email - noles1@totcon.com

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2007-05-31 11:29 AM

Untimely Masquerade

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

4 posted 2007-06-01 06:11 AM

i dont know which i like the best, although there all good and they could easilly all fit....i do kinda like the untimley masquerade though.

xxthanks allxx

Midnight Angel
New Member

since 2007-05-30

Posts 6
Lakewood, California

5 posted 2007-06-01 10:22 PM

I liked it but I don't know a title that would fit. I do have one "A MASQUERADE OF LIES" thats all. Your good and I can't wait to read more of you. Thank you for your comment. Keep up the great work.
Lots of Love,
Midnight Angel

Sad_eyed_girl
New Member

since 2007-06-04

Posts 8

6 posted 2007-06-04 12:32 PM

nice poem a nice title for it could be
Regret

Tinsel
Junior Member

since 2007-06-04

Posts 36
UK

7 posted 2007-06-04 02:34 PM

I really liked it... rubbish at thinking up titles though. The Serpents Truth? I think Silver Words sounded a lot better.

Reba Burt
New Member

since 2007-05-31

Posts 9
Indiana

8 posted 2007-06-05 02:09 PM

great poem. how about "broken words"

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

9 posted 2007-06-06 02:37 PM

Great imagery and awsome poem but I like all of your work.
How about for a title, Silver shards or Shards of disquise or the Masquerade fairytale

MixedChica
Junior Member

since 2006-11-10

Posts 34

10 posted 2007-06-10 10:01 PM

Great poem, i have no critiques

all of the tile suggestions are great but to add my own
how about Masquerade of Unruly lies

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