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Teen Poetry #8

who are you decieving?

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

0 posted 2007-04-05 12:42 PM

i sit down to take a breath,
the air fills my aching lungs.
i was climbing up the ladder of life,
then i fell down all the rungs.

i put my face into my hands,
as i begin to scream.
my whole life came crashing down,
how could this possibly be?

this facade is growing thin,
the masquerade is done.
im finished with the synthetic words,
i wish this had never even begun.

the bullets of your gun go bang,
im shot dead in the street.
i fell for all those empty words,
that you had me believe.

was i not good enough for you?
im sorry for being me.
but just who exactly is the one,
that your trying to decieve?

I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty.
-Edgar Allan Poe-

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

1 posted 2007-04-05 04:25 PM

This was really good, re configurate the the line about not believing its been done take out a word and I don't have any thing to fix. This was good, I like.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

2 posted 2007-04-06 12:28 PM

but just who exactly is the one,
that your trying to decieve?~
CO I really liked this last ending, your endings always were my favorite. On all you're poems. Ahh have you thought about coming back to dark poetry? I think it's be nice to have an old face back...
hunnie

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

3 posted 2007-04-06 12:32 PM

I like this one as well.. I think that your growing as a writer well from before anyway.. I liked your poems before but I'm addicted now..

♥Jessica♥

unholyjudgement
Member

since 2007-02-27

Posts 116
Wherever my soul takes me next

4 posted 2007-04-16 08:53 AM

Most deffianitly agree. i've become addicted to a clockwork Orange.
luv this piece.

My mind is like lightning
One brilliant flash and its gone

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