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WaterFairy103
Member

since 2006-05-31

Posts 196

0 posted 2007-03-29 07:03 PM

I was lying in my bed, curled into a ball,
Hoping it would help take the pain from my fall.
The tears from my eyes were soaking the sheets,
My heart was in pain, my thoughts were bleak.
I looked in vain for a bright side, there wasn't one to be found,
Ripped from my cried-out throat, I voiced a broken sound.

Rocking back and forth, fingers speared through my hair,
I started to negotiate with the man upstairs.
I begged Him to let me continue my facade,
Last night I tried to make bargains with God.

He didn't seem to listen, He probably doesn't care,
That some girl in nowheresville has broken heart to spare.
The bed shook with my broken cries,
The air rung with my whispered lies.
I tried telling myself it'd be okay,
That I would make it through until the next day.

Breathing deeply in and out, trying to calm down,
I wondered why He wasn't around.
I thought it was a little odd,
But I kept trying to make bargains with God.

I finally freaking fell asleep,
With my tears and snot soaking the bed around me.
When I woke up, my head hurt like hell,
And every whisper felt like a yell.
I tried not to be too ticked off at Him,
But the outlook on that was a little grim.

And I know someday, I'll probably look back,
And not believe that I felt like that.
But right now I'll just smile and nod,
Because I'm a little ticked off at God.

~Blasphemy my hind end...~

"We do not write because we want to; we write because we have to." ~W. Somerset Maugham

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

1 posted 2007-03-29 08:12 PM

I LOVE YOU!! maybe that was a little strong, but i really liked the whole blasphamy thing alot. it reminded me of clerks lol

Belinda
Member

since 2006-01-30

Posts 126
UK

2 posted 2007-03-30 02:32 PM

Must admit I haven't read much you work but I am extremley impressed. I love your writing style, you're definatley talented.

Belinda_*

Expect nothing, Prepare for anything.

Free_Spirit07
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 222
The middle of my mind!

3 posted 2007-03-30 06:51 PM

I sure hope your not still ticked of at God, He is still there, and He heard you

) Sorry, just don't like seeing people sad!! Okay, and for the poem, nice work, I liked it.

x0x0
Free_Spirit07
~%#*So far from perfect!*#%~
~%#*So far from life and living!*#%~

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

4 posted 2007-03-30 11:29 PM

i agree with that person about God hearing you! and why be mad at him. is it really his fault you have a broken heart (not trying to belittle your broken heart of course!) and maybe He's trying to talk to you- answer you-console you, but you arent taking the time to be still, and listen to him and let him in to help you.
just some thoughts even if this is fictional- or nonfictional...idk
Very good poem though- a bit rough at times but all in all it was pretty strong, and i enjoyed the read : )

WaterFairy103
Member

since 2006-05-31

Posts 196

5 posted 2007-03-31 01:02 AM

Just to clear a few things up...

1) I'm agnostic, which means I'm not even sure there IS a God, but I'm also not sure that there ISN'T one.

2) This poem is completely fiction! I thought of an idea and let my hands do the talking!

"We do not write because we want to; we write because we have to." ~W. Somerset Maugham

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

6 posted 2007-03-31 10:46 PM

Ohh theres deff a God! even if you don't believe in Him : )

*please don't let that start a fight haha, i dont mean it like that! just my personal opinion!

and i think this was reallllllly good for being fiction! nice job!

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

7 posted 2007-04-01 07:13 AM

SURPRISINGLY THIS ACTUALLY READ AS FORCED. SOME OF THE RHYMES I WOULD GO BACK AND READ OVER AND SEE IF YOU CAN MAKE THEM FLOW A BIT BETTER. I KNOW EVERYONE WILL DISAGREE WITH ME BUT THATS JUST HOW I FELT

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

8 posted 2007-04-03 12:24 PM

you are absolutly right Rhia. hehe no one agrees with you. well at least i don't. I liked this, and I know you probably don't want to hear this, But even though you might not belive or disbelive in God, he belives in you and nomatter what he is always going to be there. even though this poem is made up sometime this might happen for real...
hunnie

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

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