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Teen Poetry #8
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Just admit defeat?
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Just admit defeat? |
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Belinda Member
since 2006-01-30
Posts 126UK 
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I miss you, Three words I constantly repeat. Yet nothing ever changes, Should I just admit defeat? Fighting this on going battle, Struggling to carry on. You lied about always being here, I blinked and you were gone. Was it something I did? Was it something I said? Did I somehow upset you? Were you just seeing red? This isn't a soppy love note, But my heart is torn in two. When you up and left, A part of me despised you. I hoped that you would fall, I hoped that you would fail. So you could feel a pain, I did from your betrayal. You chose her over me, That's how I'll always see it. Surround it with pretty words, The truth doesn't change a bit. When I say I love you, Does that mean nothing at all? I want you back by my side. You just tell me to stand tall. I miss you, Though you make me mad. I love you, But you're killing me dad. Expect nothing, Prepare for anything. |
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| © Copyright 2007 Belinda Black - All Rights Reserved | |||
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
The last bit surprised me alot. Great ending. This was realllly sad. I thought it was about a guy then I was like wow . Some words if you want more power in it, you could change. LIke despised to hated for more intenseity. But if this is a true story which I have a feeling it is, then you may only want to tell the truth . Rhia Haven't seen you in awhile, but fabulous comeback |
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Belinda Member
since 2006-01-30
Posts 126UK |
Well that was the idea so I'm glad the twist worked.  Yeah unfortunatley it is true. Wife over daughter. hmm. But yeah thanks.. more comments.. I know there is room for improvement? Belinda.* Expect nothing, Prepare for anything. |
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RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia |
OMG i've never heard of you before but good.. That Twist... I was like another sappy love poem then all of a sudden OMG so hard to explain.. That was great.. Lots of emotions.. Have to agree with Rhia on that one if you like change some words to make the poem more intense but a huge 8/10 from me... |
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unholyjudgement Member
since 2007-02-27
Posts 116Wherever my soul takes me next |
Suprise Suprise Very nice twist in the ending although I agree there is room for improvement |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
ahh I can acually relate to this,yeah where are all the good dads... umm i liked the twist wasn't exspecting the end. good to see you back... hunnie  ~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~ |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
The end was a great suprise! I actually thought that this was one of those common boo-hoo my boyfriend poems, but after reading its entirety, I am impressed! You are on your way to becoming a good writer. Valedictions, -Paul |
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