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Teen Poetry #8

alone

*wishfull*thinking*
Junior Member

since 2006-09-03

Posts 33
north east of england

0 posted 2007-03-08 02:42 PM

I sit alone in the darkness.
Waiting.
Waiting for him to come back to me.
Can he hear my cries?
Can he feel my tears?
Can he sense my breaking heart?
God only knows such a fact.
How can this be that he can't see me?
Is it because I'm sitting alone in the darkness?
I just walk past everyone as if I were invisible.
Can he see me now?
Can he see the pain he's caused me?
Or does he just look past it?
I think I should move on, but something tells me to wait.
It's my heart.
I'll give him one last chance.
He needs to prove his love to me.
As I return to sit alone in the darkness.
Waiting.

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold gound,
I pray that something picks me up,
And sets me down in your warm arms

pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

1 posted 2007-05-26 01:01 PM

wow. i liked this. It was deep. but i think the reader could do with maybe a bit more detail? just a thought.

Pen

stormdancer
Junior Member

since 2007-05-10

Posts 31
state of confustion

2 posted 2007-05-28 07:45 PM

Great poem. It's great how it is, but I think it could be better with some imagery in it. But that's just my opinion I like imagry.

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

3 posted 2007-05-30 04:02 PM

wow i could really feel your pain through that poem i liked it just the way it read was different it suited the way the poem felt to me

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