To you I’m nothing - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Teen Poetry #8

To you I’m nothing

fallenangel219
Junior Member

since 2007-03-05

Posts 10

0 posted 2007-03-05 08:03 AM

To you I’m nothing

To u I am no one
To u I am white trash
To u I will never be important to anyone
To u I will fail in everything I do
To u I will never free myself to get away from you
To u I am a fool thinking I can get any where in this place with you always on my back
To u I will never find true love someone who  will love me for me
To u I will betray everyone that come in my life
To u I will try to commit suicide until I success in   doing so

But to some I am some one
But to some I am nothing at all like white trash
But to some I am very important to  some people
But to some I will success in what I do
But to some I will free my self from your imprisonment  ways
But to some I will find  my true love , who will love me for ever
But to some I will be love every single  person who walk in and out of my life
But to some I will not  try to do a foolish thing like take my own life

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

1 posted 2007-03-05 01:47 PM

Is this personal or a rant? Can i crittique?

fallenangel219
Junior Member

since 2007-03-05

Posts 10

2 posted 2007-03-05 10:54 PM

what.do.you.mean

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

3 posted 2007-03-06 12:43 PM

Is this personal or can i crittique this like fully?

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

4 posted 2007-03-07 01:03 AM

like she means give advice and what she thought and stuff.. ahh I would like to know too...
hunnie

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

fallenangel219
Junior Member

since 2007-03-05

Posts 10

5 posted 2007-03-07 10:06 AM

oh i see.......... in some ways its personal but i dont care if you tell me what you think

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

6 posted 2007-03-07 02:30 PM

Make it more original. So far you have lines stating one thing then a nother set stating the oppisite. change i around. Make it more than what it is which is word.Add perspective or language or description. show the reader why it is how it is?

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.