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Teen Poetry #8
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wwzwlmd8
Member
since 2006-09-23
Posts 96
San Diego,CA

0 posted 2007-01-27 12:49 PM



She cry's in her sleep, she wake's in a swet sheopen's her eye's and all she see's is darkness.

She's blined and can't see, she yell's his name she can't see him, she can only hear him and feel him.
Over the year's she's blined can't see only hear and feel, she's alone in her own body.

Alone blind and mad,mad at herself for being this way, mad at the God who made her this way.

She sit's on her bed just siting with no thought going though her head.

She sit's there rotting away, rotting her body rotting until death.



© Copyright 2007 Indya - All Rights Reserved
chiLanta
Junior Member
since 2006-12-01
Posts 47

1 posted 2007-01-27 08:50 PM


i can feel the pain in your poem
make you you Capitalize God!

stargal
Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352
OR USA
2 posted 2007-01-29 02:35 PM


The way you capture "her" anger at God to show your readers is interesting to say the least. The only thing I really dislike in this would be the bad spelling and repetitiveness in the poem, not meaning to offend you of course. I did like the concept of the poem and would like to read more like it.

Thanks for sharing!

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino            @-->---

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