»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #8
»
Friends
| Teen Poetry #8 |
|
Friends |
|
|
Eli Junior Member
since 2006-12-23
Posts 10 |
"Friends" He never knew her He was trpaed in a cage A cage of lies, deceit and love It finaly happened he broke free of the cage He finaly found new firends. Then she came along, Large as life it's self She brang light in to my dark corner He thaught maybe just maybe is she here for me? The friendship grew to be strong and a bond was formed Was it true? Then as he lay in bed thinking wondering, Do i like her does she like me Is it possible? They talked about it he got confused, She found a new love, He then knew that it wasnt going to happen. Then cracks started to show He was there for her when she needed him It finaly happened they broke She cryed i felt for her. As it was all finished i sit on my chair looking at the screen thinking If only i was there with her Could have i made things fell better? |
||
| © Copyright 2006 Eli - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
pen&paper Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513 |
could do with a bit of work. put brought instead of brang. its not a word. work on the rhythym. break a few lines up, maybe add some punctuation. if its too long when you break it up, post it in two parts. Its good, just revise and edit. toodles, Pen |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
