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Teen Poetry #8
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Go To Bed (sober)
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Go To Bed (sober) |
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Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! 
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i see the bottle and i see the blood your on the floor, its all said and done you made your choise, did you have your fun? tossing and turning grom the aches and pain but your hand, that bottle remains fall asleep, yes, just escape you figure you'll be dead soon anyways so who cares? ill tell you what, its me that cares and i know this burden is hard to bare but dont do this just to numb the pain its not your fault, its not your blame your not the one who made this stain so step away from that narrow ledge just give me the bottle........ and go to bed |
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| © Copyright 2006 Bryan Girton - All Rights Reserved | |||
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
Wow.. man.. you are a very talented writer.. to me.. I love this.. the end was amazing. What I like about poetry is when you read it and then after words you take a big sigh and it's like a million things hit you at once.. and you're not even sure how you feel.. that's what this was.. great job ~heather~ Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
wow Bryan, this was well written, i loved the impact of it my favorite part has got to be the end it just fit perfecly with the poem of and i loved the title it just drew me in  ~so step away from that narrow ledge just give me the bottle........ and go to bed ~ good write hope to read more soon... hunnie  A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~ |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
I also liked the ending but you need to clarify why is there blood, and how did they get to the ledge, i thought they are lying on the floor |
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Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! |
this is a figurative poem with ledges and stuff obviously, i thought people would figure that out, but the blood is from cutting and stuff |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
THank you. I m stupid rite now, just got bac from soccer and, im soo tired and sic from tests and exams coming up again. and my soccer team made up today of 5 seventh graders, 1 tenth grader , and one 9th grader hoo is 12 and she is really short and just learning how to play , we played brothers of teammates and a bunch of highschoolers, from our school. I am so sore. It could use more clarification though, like the poem needs it. |
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