[This message has been edited by Tempest (11-26-2006 09:45 PM).]

Hi Bryan,

Interesting concept, using Anastasia as a metaphor in your poem, although, I admit I was slightly disappointed this wasn’t about Anastasia. I’m rather fascinated by her story and was hoping to read someone else’s point of view. I did rather like how you used her name as part of your description of sorrow and pain; it seemed to pan out well.

I do agree with tapper on this not being my favorite by you and if you’ll hang with me I’ll explain some of the poem I disliked/liked.

“the bloodshed reighns, and were the blame
why cant we stop the pain”

This sentence, you have a slight typo on the word “reigns”.

I feel like there should be some punctuation in this poem; not only does it help show where we should break when reading or keep reading, it also helps make the poem look less sloppy, no offence. To me, and not everyone will agree, without some semblance of grammar the poem looks unfinished, in the rough draft stage. I’m not very good with adding/correcting grammar in my poems, in fact I dislike doing it, but I feel that it makes the poem seem more polished, that’s just a thought though…

“ you can hear the long cold cries
of a man just out of sight
but instead of helping him
you turn and walk away
while on the inside you want to scream
and the tears flow constantly”

Something about this part of the poem seems off to me, I could be wrong but it’s L2 and also when L3 to L4 that seem wrong to me, as if you lost the rhythm of the poem for an instant, this could just be me of course.

I found that it was interesting to read S1 and S5 with their different tenses, I know this could be a dumb question but was that done on purpose? I rather liked how you managed those two stanzas like that.

Once again I loved the use of Anastasia in the poem! I thought the title was very fitting for this piece.

Thanks for sharing/listening! I hope I didn’t bug you to much

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino            @-->---