navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #8 » help me
Teen Poetry #8
Post A Reply Post New Topic help me Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
forever*wishing
Member
since 2006-05-29
Posts 178
where my heart is

0 posted 2006-11-21 01:27 AM


just one more sip
bottle to my lips
it warms my throat
down my body it goes

but in an instant the feeling is gone
my sorrows still have yet to be drowned
over and over i swallow this poison
thinking i'll stop if i can just do it again

things start to fade my sight becomes blurry
my problems seem gone but they'll be back in a hurry

in what seems to be seconds im on the floor
and i can barely move, my body is sore
the sunlight pounds in my head, its morning
my head and vision now have stopped turning

again i feel what i tryed to throw away last night
i tried to use alcohol to make things alright
but what i shouldv'e known is it just makes it hurt greater
if i keep this up, it could kill me later

i'll try my best to stop but i'll need some help
to make something of these cards i've dealt
i want to get better but its so hard to say no
i learned how, but forgot long ago

i will walk, if you help pull me up
i will make sure this door stays shut


[This message has been edited by forever*wishing (11-21-2006 04:39 PM).]

© Copyright 2006 Becca - All Rights Reserved
rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
1 posted 2006-11-21 08:54 AM


THis was really good prob one of the best i have seen of you. It all went together nicely and I liked how  you described the alcohol in the diff ways but coming back to one thing. Also straight off you don't tell us so it lets the reader guess.

Nicely done

forever*wishing
Member
since 2006-05-29
Posts 178
where my heart is
2 posted 2006-11-21 04:22 PM


thanx...= )

buttercupbaby
Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400
outside in the rain
3 posted 2006-11-22 12:14 PM


if you really want help, call the teenhelp line. its in the phonebook

annnd i really liked this! nice write!

forever*wishing
Member
since 2006-05-29
Posts 178
where my heart is
4 posted 2006-11-22 11:21 PM


no its ok...i was in a very *emotional* mood when i wrote this, and i was "remembering" this...but ya, im ok
>@@<
...l__/


forever*wishing
Member
since 2006-05-29
Posts 178
where my heart is
5 posted 2006-11-22 11:23 PM



buttercupbaby
Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400
outside in the rain
6 posted 2006-11-23 02:14 PM


still....you can call and just talk about anything, its really helpfull..trust me. They'll listen to anything and everything you are going through, and they give great advice friends can't always give.

~missy
My tears of love are a waste of time if I turn away..
my love is a waste of time
if you never stay

hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
7 posted 2006-11-23 11:53 PM


very nice flowed like a charm...
hunnie

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace   ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #8 » help me

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary