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Teen Poetry #8
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Tempest
Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

0 posted 2006-11-18 01:46 PM


can you feel this?
deep inside it dwells.
this story of aguish,
that only one may tell

its to me, im the one.
who was set upon fate.
under the unborn sun,
i entered this gate.

yes it kills me,
to spreak the lore.
of one mans betrayal,
his spirit is torn.

it was winter and cold,
as you watched in glee.
the moon was high,
and all i could do is bleed.
and now that i look back,
i can see the game.
because i was played a fool,
on this twisted stage.

i went to your house, in the dead of night.
i went to see you, and all your spite.
i seen it all before my eyes,
i see all the screams and all the cries.
i fell for the lies,
and i drowned for the life,
i wanted all along

you lied to me,
and made me believe,
i put my trust in you,
i fell for the eyes, of crystal dispite
and i really want the truth.

now thats its over,
im left here alone.
im confused by the light,
lying feeble and cold.
i relise that im alright,
im okay, i'll live.
but looking back through the sands,
theres nothing i wouldnt give,
for that sovereign ataraxia.

[This message has been edited by Tempest (11-19-2006 09:19 AM).]

© Copyright 2006 Bryan Girton - All Rights Reserved
rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
1 posted 2006-11-18 03:04 PM


wuts ataraxia?
Tempest
Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!
2 posted 2006-11-18 04:29 PM


ataraxia means peace.  so soverighn ataraxia means dominant peace.
rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
3 posted 2006-11-19 07:31 AM


thank you. Love the title now that i know what it means. LIke all of this. Good write.
Tempest
Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!
4 posted 2006-11-25 05:52 PM


boosting cuz i want more oppinions

Twain_Crusador23
New Member
since 2006-12-08
Posts 5

5 posted 2006-12-08 10:59 PM


"dominant peace?" i didnt think peace was meant to be domineering over everything, i though its more of something you choose to enter your life, i dont think this is a great title. you should consider using a different adjective to describe peace. peace is peaceful, it cant be peace if its dominating. usually when you think of dominant or dominating you think of something that is happening against others wills, peace shouldnt be like that.
poemqueen
Junior Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 26

6 posted 2006-12-09 06:14 PM


i like it
hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
7 posted 2006-12-13 12:06 PM


you lied to me,
and made me believe,
i put my trust in you,
i fell for the eyes, of crystal dispite
and i really want the truth.

here ya go Temp. i really liked this stanza... very nice poem i donno how i missed it before
hunnie

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820
Australia
8 posted 2006-12-13 02:55 AM


Hey Temp.. wish u wouldnt let these pepole not make u come back..I still love u forver

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