Someone cares stuck in my heart.. (made minor changes and won't let me edit sry)

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

0 posted 2006-11-13 12:32 PM

Where I found you, I do not know.
I was abandoned on your doorstep,
alone with nowhere left to go.
A friend I will never be able to forget.

Words can't explain how much you mean
Not enough spoken gifts possible to thank you
Too little time to be for you, what in you I see
I will cherish the friends I have forever,old and new!

An angel sent from the sky,
true in spirit, loyal through
precious a priceless find.
Always in my heart,is you.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

1 posted 2006-11-14 12:09 PM

rhia i loved the last stanza it was amzaing...
hunnie

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-11-27 01:37 AM

Hi Rhia,

I must admit that I usually have a hard time commenting on some of your poems, just because I sometimes have trouble grasping so many ways to look at a topic(s) in one poem. I believe that you and I are opposites in that, I’ve noticed this and don’t mean to offend, you sometimes need to trim down what you are saying when I need to give more details.

Although, I really admire you for your vast amount of knowledge in some of the subjects you write about and that you are able to come up with the words to describe everything. I wish that I had some of your talent in making a poem more descriptive.

Except in this poem I found the length to be perfect and easier for me to read in certain aspects, although I do enjoy reading your longer ones.

The first stanza did confuse me some; you start out by saying,

“Where I found you, I do not know”

and then end up with

“I was abandoned on your doorstep
alone with nowhere left to go”

to me it almost sounds as if this is two different people talking?! I know there are some styles of poetry that do this with every other line but since this poem doesn’t follow through all the way can I assume there was some typed mistakes in this stanza?

In accordance with your previous post I noticed that some of the people who replied found the ending to be weak compared to such a strong start, I would have to disagree in my opinion, although, they are probably right. I just felt like the middle stanza, in the poem, was the one that was the “weakest” point. The ending seemed very strong, just a different style then the first two stanzas.

I loved this little line a lot,

“too little time to be for you, what in you I see”

it’s hard to grasp at first what you are saying, or for me it was, it’s almost like a tongue/brain twister; but I found that I liked this line more then any other line in the poem.

Anyway, I’m yattering on again, thanks for sharing/listening to my ravings!

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->---

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

3 posted 2006-11-27 09:38 AM

Thanks for the crittique

Tempest
Member

since 2006-04-28

Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

4 posted 2006-11-27 09:01 PM

i liked it.....and if SOMEONE cough cough stargal cough cough.....wouldnt take up all of my thoughts and ideas, i would have more to say, lol jk jk.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.