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Teen Poetry #8
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Tempest
Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

0 posted 2006-11-10 05:02 PM


this is a dream i had put to poem

im standing in a pit
surrounded by thousands of screaming fans
i can hear every voice
right here where i stand

im clad with nothing but a sword
clenched in my trembling hand
i can hear it in thier voices
its blood that they demand

the oppenent is myself
he looks me in the eye
hes not scared to meet my stare
i can tell he is willing to die

i run at him, he meets my sin
the swords ring out in anger.
the hate is there, i feel his arm tear
i raise my sword, his danger

but right before i make that strike
i feel his fear in me.
i still my hand, and throw away my words
i answered his plea

[This message has been edited by Tempest (11-11-2006 07:27 AM).]

© Copyright 2006 Bryan Girton - All Rights Reserved
rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
1 posted 2006-11-10 05:34 PM


I loved this to the last stanza. It had feeling and spoke to me. the last stanza loses it, you could end it that way but find someway to bring it back.
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