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Teen Poetry #8
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Xeonox
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Senior Member
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764
CA, USA

0 posted 2006-11-08 10:16 AM



I can’t often relate to your hurt,
But what you tell me lets me know what you been through,
Even though, your head is in the right place, your heart is ripped,
Hang in there, and tomorrow will be a brighter day,

Cold world it often feels as you try to live in the moment,
Just remember, I am here, and you can call me any day,
No matter how busy I may seem, you can count on me to be there,
I hope in due time you can trust me and what I say,

Too many times you cried when you answered that call,
It can hurt to let go of what you were use to all this time,
But you have to let yourself heal and not scratch the wound,
I can’t fully comprehend until we trade places,

In my heart, I can feel the love that you have to give,
And it is a blessing that we met up somehow,
It is even worse when you speak about your past,
Because it hurts each time to reminisce about your past,
You often wonder how long will this hurt last?


I speak insanity. I write fantasy. I sleep reality.

© Copyright 2006 Ronil B Tataria - All Rights Reserved
rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
1 posted 2006-11-08 03:31 PM


But what you tell me lets me what you been through,

WHAT?????????

The entire poem seemed a rough draft to me. Theres alot of spots where there is just words to be words and you could say it way deeper and in less words. I takes away from the power of the poem.

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